Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Again, today, I was told by a doctor that what I have is so unusual that he and his colleagues had to look it up, and couldn't find anything like it. And, that this was SO COOL. I mean he was HYPED. His words: You know, I do bunions all day so this was really cool! I am totally loving this guy. When he was about to chop me open, when I was in the surgery room, laying on the table, when the drugs had started, and the mask was coming over my face, he had my hand in his, and his thumb was rubbing my fingers. I was going down, and I was freaking out a little, and he kept telling me, it's OK. You'll be fine, Carol. I remember that. That was important.
And THEN. THEN!!! He chopped the living holy hell out of my ankle. BUT it is actually my foot, ankle, and leg. I mean he chopped. And I have previously warned you that I would show you the magic. So here it comes. Go read Drudge if you can't take it.
Oops. That's just okra. I love okra. Don't you? Except when it's cooked to hell and gone and it gets slimy. That's just not good okra. Or if it's fried to within an inch of its little okra life? Also, not good okra. OK - here's the INSIDE OF MY ANKLE.
No - really! Last chance for Drudge!
Pretty gnarly, huh???
Dr. B told me today that when he had my personal body parts CARVED OPEN, it was so cool he called the anesthesiologist down to the end of the table to have a look see. I am so far at the end of the bell curve I think I may just be a little stick figure dangling off the far end.
Labels: medicine, personal urban drama
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
I know, I know... I promised gore and open wounds. We'll get to that. Be patient. Just a reminder to those who can't take it: Look Out! I'm harboring photographs of the inside of my Very Own Personal Ankle!! With Exposed Tendon! And my Surgeon's FINGER TIP! Be afraid. In the meantime, the Democratic Campaign in 7 minutes:
Labels: headlines, medicine, personal urban drama, video
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Amazing how quickly one falls back into a routine. Two pillows under the left leg. Be careful with The Black Dog up on the bed - he doesn't understand. Keep the cell phone on the bedside table. Wheelchair about 6 inches back from the step I use to get into and out of our bed (AKA Valhalla) because it's so darned tall. Two paths must stay clear: bed to bathroom, bed to living room which leads to kitchen.
At the door into the bathroom is my walker. I use the wheelchair as far as that door then I change to the walker - the doorway is a few inches too narrow for the chair. I use the walker to hop into the toilet stall, where I use my cane for balance. Or I use the walker to hop over to the sink to brush my teeth or wash my face. I'll get to take a bath every other day. We'll put the toilet chair in the tub and I'll sit on it. My leg will be wrapped and taped in large garbage bags. The Husband will scrub me and wash my hair.
Every few days I make him gird his loins and shave my legs. He always thinks he's going to cut the hell out of me. So he barely cuts the hair. I'm saying "Harder!" He's saying "I can't I can't!". There is a lot of drama about the shaving of the legs.
It's Saturday - I know this because I looked at the calendar. I've been mostly since Thursday morning except for about an hour Friday night. I'm really awake now. I've read the paper and eaten some cereal. I rolled my chair into the kitchen and sat for a while just to be in another room.
I hate the way the Betadine makes my toes look dirty when they're not - they're just stained yellow.
It's a bad sign that I'm already going a little stir crazy and I've only been down three days.
The pain was so bad at one point Thursday night that I actually called Dr. Podiatrist on the phone. I've never done that before. Inbetween my exhalations of torture, he told me to double the pain meds, add four Advil, and loosen the bandages. Just loosening the bandages worked the necessary miracle. I now officially hate ace bandages, even if they do keep my insides sewn up.
Speaking of which... wanna see a really gross picture?? I'll show them to you next time. Just don't say I didn't warn you!!!
Friday, April 25, 2008
Ever heard of a peroneous longus tendon? Me neither. But you have two. One in each ankle. Guess what? You can TEAR them. In half! And then what happens? Go on. GUESS!
It hurts like holy hell for a while, then it hurts like a deep ache for a long time, and when you finally go to your doctor and tell him it still hurts he says "WE'RE GOING TO CUT YOU OPEN AGAIN!! BWAAHAHAHAHA!!"
Check back next week. I'll be back in a wheelchair, flying high on pharmaceuticals. I'm always at my best on Toradol.
You can't imagine how much this sucks. No driving for about 5 weeks. NeedyneedyCarol. This sucks so badly. But hey! I'm planning to tell people who ask about my new scar that I was attacked by dingos.
Labels: medicine, personal urban drama
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
I am going to post this article in its entirety because it is so perfect from beginning to end. It has everything. Crime, reptiles, stupidity, audacity, and laconic law enforcement.
"Just a typical day in Brazoria"
And now, the funniest of all the comments left by the readers:
And the comment that took the words right out of my mouth:
"Just a typical day in Brazoria"
April 15, 2008, 6:03PM
Alligator not the only unusual find linked to suspect
Brazoria inmate accused of trying to steal a TV also had a snake in his car, hair trimmer and video game device in pockets, authorities say
By RICHARD STEWART
Copyright 2008 Houston Chronicle
ANGLETON — When William Johnson made a couple of suspicious U-Turns at the intersection of Texas 35 and 288 early Sunday a state trooper pulled him over.
Then the trooper noticed a 6-foot alligator contentedly riding next to the back window of Johnson's car. Johnson said he found the gator on the side of a road.
But it was allegations that Johnson had been taking things out of a mobile home in the nearby town of Brazoria that sent him to jail on a burglary charge. Investigators found a hair trimmer and video game controller in his pockets.
Johnson, 30, and his fondness of reptiles, had already come to the attention of local police, Brazoria Police Chief Neal Longbotham said.
On Friday an officer responding to a call about a man bothering people in the parking lot of a local drive-through restaurant gave Johnson a citation for public intoxication.
Johnson said he was from Tennessee and was on his way to Corpus Christi. He said he'd stopped in Brazoria to work briefly for a tree trimming service.
Johnson advised the officer that there was a water moccasin snake in his car and that the snake had already bitten him on the hand.
An animal control officer found the snake and removed it, Longbotham said.
Johnson refused medical treatment for his hand.
Early Sunday a resident of a local mobile home park said Johnson knocked on his door and asked for help hauling a big television out of a mobile home, Longbotham said.
"The neighbor told him that's not your house," the chief said.
Then the neighbor noticed the alligator in the back seat of Johnson's car, Longbotham said.
Johnson left the television in the yard and drove away.
A few minutes later he was arrested by the trooper. He is now in the Brazoria County Jail, held on $25,000 bail on a burglary charge.
A game warden took the alligator away.
Johnson told investigators that he found the snake and the alligator on the sides of roads and picked them up because he has an interest in reptiles, Longbotham said.
"Just a typical day in Brazoria," the chief sighed.
And now, the funniest of all the comments left by the readers:
"You might be a redneck if..."
And the comment that took the words right out of my mouth:
"Hair trimmer?!?!"
Monday, April 14, 2008
The body tote board for today according to the Houston Barnacle:
1 - leg found on the coast down by South Padre
1 - skull found on Hempstead Highway out by Hockley
1 - entire body, nude save two socks, wrists and ankles bound, floating in Galveston Bay near the Causeway.
And it's only 9:30pm! Hell - we could find the other leg, or maybe even a kidney between now and midnight!
1 - leg found on the coast down by South Padre
1 - skull found on Hempstead Highway out by Hockley
1 - entire body, nude save two socks, wrists and ankles bound, floating in Galveston Bay near the Causeway.
And it's only 9:30pm! Hell - we could find the other leg, or maybe even a kidney between now and midnight!
I'm standing in the shower this morning, washing my hair. I'm thinking about how I’m in a total obsessive panic about this scrapbook* for Mel which I agreed to do(I dreamed about it last night), and my mind is just sort of flitting around. Then out of nowhere, the word “CRYPTOZOOLOGIST” pops into my mind. I roll it around on my tongue a little bit. Then I think, where the hell did THAT come from?
*I so totally freaking do NOT scrapbook
*I so totally freaking do NOT scrapbook
Labels: personal urban drama
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Hey - did I tell you guys I finally won a Gold Medal for a Photoshop piece? This was my April Fool's day entry. The Gold Medal is a kick, but maybe even better is that I got a "That's some great work Carol! Very disturbing, but great work!" from my Photoshop Sensei, Randy. I'm so proud.
Labels: cult, personal urban drama
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Oh! Wait! Another FreeCycle offer just came out from the same guy. This time he's offering sulfuric acid!! Maybe I don't want to know what's in his garage, after all.
Labels: personal urban drama
This was my "News of the Week" Photoshop entry this past weekend. The theme of my piece: "Housing Market Goes Down The Drain". The voting is still going on, but I'm 4th out of 19 right now so woohoo for me! So go hone your skills and join me over at FreakingNews for a little friendly Photoshop competition.Labels: headlines, personal urban drama
I'm a member of my local FreeCycle. In fact, this afternoon I picked up a big plastic bag full of skirt hangers (Thanks Steven!). Today there were two "Offer" emails that popped up. One was for "lead shot" and the other was for "hydrochloric acid". They were both from the same FreeCycler. I'd like to know what ELSE is in his garage.
Labels: personal urban drama
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Two things:First: Woo Hoo! I just won a "Shadow the Trauma Surgeon" silent auction item at a charity gala. I'm going to get to spend the night at my ER alma mater, MemorialHermann Medical Center's Level I Trauma Center, shadowing a trauma surgeon and seeing up close and personal what his life is like at work.
I was talking with the surgeon's wife about the details. She said, "Do you want a shift that's really hectic and gory?", to which I said "YEAH!". She said I should choose a weekend night, a holiday if possible. I'm going to see if I can hang with Dr. TS on Saturday of Memorial Day weekend. I'm thinking that will be a nasty night in the trauma center.
Second: As you might have guessed from my glee under #1, I'm very much a tailgater when it comes to the infinite ways the human body can be beat up and put back together again (or...not). This was true even before I got crunched, and the internet has only made it possible for me to learn more. For instance, tonight I read a story about a man who lost control of his SUV. I'm putting the link to the article here but not the picture because it's pretty brutal, even though I wish it were higher res so I could zoom in. This one is special because of the story that goes with it:
The top rail of a chain link fence went through the vent window on his truck, through his lateral chest wall, through the seat, through the back seat, and through the floor of the jeep. At no time did he lose consciousness, and only complained of being slightly short of breath. Advanced Care Paramedics arrived and started IV fluid during the extrication. The patient could not be removed from his seat, so the patient and seat were removed from his vehicle as a unit. The patient underwentWhoever wrote this has a wicked sense of humor. (Emphasis mine.)
immediate surgery and recovered fully.
The pt was not interested in keeping the seat.
Labels: headlines, medicine, personal urban drama
Friday, March 21, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
It's not you. It's me. Really.
It's like a switch turned off right around the end of the year. I have been a faithful and active reader of many great blogs for a long time, and I've used AC here to spew on a regular basis for a few years now. But right around the end of the year I just pretty much stopped.
I also pretty much quit reading. Since the new year I've probably only read about three books. This compared to my normal two to three a month.
I'm spending a good bit of time doing random surfing. The kind where, when you end up on a page with an interesting article you read it, and end up opening five or six other tabs from items in that original article because you want to read more about whatever. This can become a long involved Chinese ring puzzle because theoretically this could go on For Ev Er.
But I seem to be coming out of my spontaneous hibernation. I read an entire book last week. I've caught up on one entire blog that I used to check in on every day or so (Hi Shadowfax!). I'm pretty sure that over this weekend I'll be all caught up with Pete, and Foo, and maybe even JK. It's like poof I've come out of a fugue. That, and I made fudge with almonds last night. Maybe that helped. Certainly couldn't have hurt. Although when The Husband came home and saw it his reaction was "WOMAN! Do you want me to just EXPLODE???" after which I calmly explained to him that it need not all be consumed in one gluttonous orgasmic sitting.
It's like a switch turned off right around the end of the year. I have been a faithful and active reader of many great blogs for a long time, and I've used AC here to spew on a regular basis for a few years now. But right around the end of the year I just pretty much stopped.
I also pretty much quit reading. Since the new year I've probably only read about three books. This compared to my normal two to three a month.
I'm spending a good bit of time doing random surfing. The kind where, when you end up on a page with an interesting article you read it, and end up opening five or six other tabs from items in that original article because you want to read more about whatever. This can become a long involved Chinese ring puzzle because theoretically this could go on For Ev Er.
But I seem to be coming out of my spontaneous hibernation. I read an entire book last week. I've caught up on one entire blog that I used to check in on every day or so (Hi Shadowfax!). I'm pretty sure that over this weekend I'll be all caught up with Pete, and Foo, and maybe even JK. It's like poof I've come out of a fugue. That, and I made fudge with almonds last night. Maybe that helped. Certainly couldn't have hurt. Although when The Husband came home and saw it his reaction was "WOMAN! Do you want me to just EXPLODE???" after which I calmly explained to him that it need not all be consumed in one gluttonous orgasmic sitting.
Labels: ac, bloggers, personal urban drama
Monday, March 17, 2008
As we look toward our future and the coming season of matriculation, may I extend the suggestion to those who might even currently be crafting their commencement speeches:
Do not under any circumstance talk about how the graduates are "stepping into their futures" or "on the precipice of their futures" or any other such maudlin cliched claptrap. Hey Bubba. I'm 44 and I'm on the precipice of my future. Two minutes from now is my future. So is tomorrow morning. And by the time I finish spell checking this my future will have come and gone. So really, really, if you're up there, the assumption is that you have something to say and enough brains to come up with it. TRY HARDER.
Also, don't quote Eminem. And if you must, don't be strident about it.
Just lookin' to the future here.
Do not under any circumstance talk about how the graduates are "stepping into their futures" or "on the precipice of their futures" or any other such maudlin cliched claptrap. Hey Bubba. I'm 44 and I'm on the precipice of my future. Two minutes from now is my future. So is tomorrow morning. And by the time I finish spell checking this my future will have come and gone. So really, really, if you're up there, the assumption is that you have something to say and enough brains to come up with it. TRY HARDER.
Also, don't quote Eminem. And if you must, don't be strident about it.
Just lookin' to the future here.
Labels: opinion
Saturday, March 01, 2008
I met my dear friend Mel yesterday afternoon at The Flower Corner to talk with them about the flowers for her upcoming wedding. After the flower chat, I was driving north on the West Loop, trying to get back to my side of town. It's about 2pm and the loop is PACKED all the way back before the 59 bridge. We're inching along - one of those where you make it to 2nd gear thinking maybe you'll get to move but no, not really.
I'm thinking well it must be an accident. Since the loop was rebuilt a few years ago it's unusual for it to just be stopped at this time on a normal Friday. Inch by inch, I make it toward I-10. When I crest Post Oak and can see the feeder leading up to Memorial, it's truly an "Ah HA!" moment. It's a trail ride. I know that if you're in Boston you can't even begin to understand this, but on a Friday late in February every year, the trail riders finally make it to Houston in anticipation of the Houston Live Stock Show and Rodeo. They've been on the trail - truly - for days or weeks, traveling with chuck wagons and sleeping under the stars. It's a huge thing down here, a religion for some of the folks who ride.
There is one ride, the Salt Grass, that rides down a road close enough to my house for me to just walk down and sit on the curb to watch it go by. It's a little bit surreal to sit down in your urban neighborhoood while 1,300 people go by on horses. I delight in the sound of the horse's shoes clomping on the road and the wind-chime sound of the tack. I've been stopped at a red light while the same ride crossed the road I was on. It's such a gas - people get out of their cars to watch, the riders smiling and waving, people yelling greetings back and forth. The folks who have kids with them - those are the best. They put their kids up on their shoulders, or stand them up on the hoods of their cars, and you can see that it's magic for the kids. It's the only traffic jam you don't mind being in.
Which is why, when I crested Post Oak and saw that the feeder was down to one lane - the trail ride had one all to itself, and that the jam on the loop was because everyone was slowing down to look at the trail riders, it was one of those traffic jams that turns out to be OK.
And I'm pretty sure that folks in Boston have no way to get that. Ya'll should come down here in late February and just pull over to watch the world pass by on a horse.
I'm thinking well it must be an accident. Since the loop was rebuilt a few years ago it's unusual for it to just be stopped at this time on a normal Friday. Inch by inch, I make it toward I-10. When I crest Post Oak and can see the feeder leading up to Memorial, it's truly an "Ah HA!" moment. It's a trail ride. I know that if you're in Boston you can't even begin to understand this, but on a Friday late in February every year, the trail riders finally make it to Houston in anticipation of the Houston Live Stock Show and Rodeo. They've been on the trail - truly - for days or weeks, traveling with chuck wagons and sleeping under the stars. It's a huge thing down here, a religion for some of the folks who ride.
There is one ride, the Salt Grass, that rides down a road close enough to my house for me to just walk down and sit on the curb to watch it go by. It's a little bit surreal to sit down in your urban neighborhoood while 1,300 people go by on horses. I delight in the sound of the horse's shoes clomping on the road and the wind-chime sound of the tack. I've been stopped at a red light while the same ride crossed the road I was on. It's such a gas - people get out of their cars to watch, the riders smiling and waving, people yelling greetings back and forth. The folks who have kids with them - those are the best. They put their kids up on their shoulders, or stand them up on the hoods of their cars, and you can see that it's magic for the kids. It's the only traffic jam you don't mind being in.
Which is why, when I crested Post Oak and saw that the feeder was down to one lane - the trail ride had one all to itself, and that the jam on the loop was because everyone was slowing down to look at the trail riders, it was one of those traffic jams that turns out to be OK.
And I'm pretty sure that folks in Boston have no way to get that. Ya'll should come down here in late February and just pull over to watch the world pass by on a horse.
Labels: cult, personal urban drama, texas
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
I'm sitting in line at the Jack in the Box this morning waiting for my Grilled Chicken Southwest Salad. On the radio is a commercial for a Mercedes. I'm sort of halfway listening to it with part of my brain.
I remember 21 gallon tank, diesel engine, you'll want a big gulp to drink because the gas mileage is so good you can go from San Antonio to Kansas City without stopping - 600 miles. So all these tidbits are floating around in my head.
Then - get this - at the end, in that really-fast-talking small-print-legalese-voice you hear at the end of commercials sometimes, I heard, "This car does not meet vehicle emissions standards in California, Oregon, Washington, Vermont, or New Hampshire and cannot be purchased in these states. But who cares, because you're in Texas. Yee haw."
I just cracked up so bad. It was all said with the same inflection, and totally unexpected, so it was great. Yee haw indeed.
I remember 21 gallon tank, diesel engine, you'll want a big gulp to drink because the gas mileage is so good you can go from San Antonio to Kansas City without stopping - 600 miles. So all these tidbits are floating around in my head.
Then - get this - at the end, in that really-fast-talking small-print-legalese-voice you hear at the end of commercials sometimes, I heard, "This car does not meet vehicle emissions standards in California, Oregon, Washington, Vermont, or New Hampshire and cannot be purchased in these states. But who cares, because you're in Texas. Yee haw."
I just cracked up so bad. It was all said with the same inflection, and totally unexpected, so it was great. Yee haw indeed.
Labels: texas
Thursday, February 21, 2008
My good deed for the day: Carol, Director Assistant to the Confused and Old.
I'm at home sick. Playing on my computer. Yeah. Minefield is mesmerizing. My house phone rings. My house phone NEVER rings. We don't use it. It's an old lady - you know the type because we've all known her - her voice shakes and you can tell from the way she talks that she's just a little bit lost in the world.
She's looking for Helen. There is no Helen here. Good enough.
Five minutes later, the phone rings again. Is Helen here? No. Helen is still not here. She asks me if this is So and So's house and I tell her yes, it is, but there is no Helen. Adios Granny.
Five minutes later, she's back. She's getting a little insistent now. Wants to know who I am. Who am I SPEAKING with? This is the number the information lady GAVE me so I know it's the right number. You said this is So and So's house and he is my son in law so where is Helen??
Damned. There simply is no Helen. Never was, never will be if I have anything to say about it, which I do, because me name is on the mortgage and it ISN'T HELEN. So I give up.
One day I will be a little old lady who is confused by the world so I say... what town is Helen in? She says Liverpool, outside of Alvin. I explain that she's reached So and So's house in Houston and that Alvin is close in Texas terms but definitely not here. And I ask her to hang on. I search for So and So on the net, finding one in Lockhart but that's outside Buda which is no where near here even in Texas terms. So we talk about how he's in the service and she really wishes he would call and No, Really, there is No Helen here.
I've surmised that Helen is her daughter and she would REALLY like to talk to Helen. So if you're Helen who used to live in Liverpool near Alvin please, call your mother.
I'm at home sick. Playing on my computer. Yeah. Minefield is mesmerizing. My house phone rings. My house phone NEVER rings. We don't use it. It's an old lady - you know the type because we've all known her - her voice shakes and you can tell from the way she talks that she's just a little bit lost in the world.
She's looking for Helen. There is no Helen here. Good enough.
Five minutes later, the phone rings again. Is Helen here? No. Helen is still not here. She asks me if this is So and So's house and I tell her yes, it is, but there is no Helen. Adios Granny.
Five minutes later, she's back. She's getting a little insistent now. Wants to know who I am. Who am I SPEAKING with? This is the number the information lady GAVE me so I know it's the right number. You said this is So and So's house and he is my son in law so where is Helen??
Damned. There simply is no Helen. Never was, never will be if I have anything to say about it, which I do, because me name is on the mortgage and it ISN'T HELEN. So I give up.
One day I will be a little old lady who is confused by the world so I say... what town is Helen in? She says Liverpool, outside of Alvin. I explain that she's reached So and So's house in Houston and that Alvin is close in Texas terms but definitely not here. And I ask her to hang on. I search for So and So on the net, finding one in Lockhart but that's outside Buda which is no where near here even in Texas terms. So we talk about how he's in the service and she really wishes he would call and No, Really, there is No Helen here.
I've surmised that Helen is her daughter and she would REALLY like to talk to Helen. So if you're Helen who used to live in Liverpool near Alvin please, call your mother.
Labels: personal urban drama
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
My wallet was stolen, so I'm rebuilding my life. At the office there is so much drama they might as well cancel the soap operas and just set up a camera down the hall from me. I don't give a flying whooey crack about the latest Google updates, or that Castro stepped down. Nice to see you all.
Labels: personal urban drama
