| Friday, January 08, 2010 |
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Al Gore is a BIG, FAT, FUCKING LIAR.
Still Life with Sprinkler
Bingle at Hammerly, Houston 4:45 p.m. January 8, 2010
I live in HOUSTON, people. We are TROPICAL. We are AIR CONDITIONED for a REASON.
This is BULLSHIT.
I am wearing SOCKS. In my HOUSE. With the HEATER turned on. Fucking BULLSHIT.
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posted by Carol @ 10:09 PM  |
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| Sunday, July 26, 2009 |
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The Husband, The Black Dog (AKA Cache Beast), and I are taking a little 3 day weekend trip to East Texas.
We're on a caching frenzy holiday! Run for your lives!!! Yesterday we headed up the Not-Yet-Pan-American-NAFTA-Highway 59 and very quickly found ourselves in the piney woods. That's what lives in East Texas. Piney woods, lots of wildlife (haven't seen a snake YET but hey - today's a big day), rednecks, and pine trees. And cemeteries. Holy Christ on a stick, there are about 14,322,219 cemeteries in Texas. I swear. Honest. And about 143% of them have a cache in them.
We had a cache that I had to convince The Husband to go for - (Hey! It's a cemetery!) - the descriptions and logs made it clear that it was "way out in the middle of nowhere" and "a long dirt road" that one shouldn't drive down in a Honda Civic (honest - it said that) if it had rained recently.
Well now, The Mighty Cache Mobile is a Honda Civic and I'm a expert at dirt roads so, even though it was actually raining as I read this information, I convinced The Husband to go for it.
Check it out.
That doesn't look so bad, does it? Naaaah.
Yes. It's a road. Shut up. You sound like The Husband now.
Look - it's only a little more than a mile back into the woods so that's not bad. A wrecker could find us if it HAD to.
But check it out. You come around one final sandy, snakey turn and this is what you see.
Isn't this fascinating? It's a living cemetery, too. There are about 12 graves. A few are very, very old and I could make out that the stones had the family name Lyons on them but that was all. Most of them were from the last 50 years or so. The one that has the fresh (plastic but VERY fresh) flowers on it is from 2006 - even though it looks brand new. Kinda weird. And there are a couple of depressions that are obviously old graves but they aren't marked. A very interesting place!
This is the best of caching. This is the sort of place I'll never forget visiting. And oh yeah - I FOUND THE CACHE. I rule.Labels: geocaching, husband, texas, vacation |
| posted by Carol @ 10:33 AM |
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| Tuesday, April 14, 2009 |
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Easily the nicest headline I've ever seen on Drudge. Hey - Governor Good-Hair is an ass, but every once in a while even an ass can get something right.
TEXAS GOV. BACK RESOLUTION AFFIRMING SOVEREIGNTY
Tue Apr 14 2009 08:44:54 ET
AUSTIN - Gov. Rick Perry joined state Rep. Brandon Creighton and sponsors of House Concurrent Resolution (HCR) 50 in support of states' rights under the 10th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.
"I believe that our federal government has become oppressive in its size, its intrusion into the lives of our citizens, and its interference with the affairs of our state," Gov. Perry said. "That is why I am here today to express my unwavering support for efforts all across our country to reaffirm the states' rights affirmed by the Tenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. I believe that returning to the letter and spirit of the U.S. Constitution and its essential 10th Amendment will free our state from undue regulations, and ultimately strengthen our Union."
Perry continued: "Millions of Texans are tired of Washington, DC trying to come down here to tell us how to run Texas." A number of recent federal proposals are not within the scope of the federal government's constitutionally designated powers and impede the states' right to govern themselves. HCR 50 affirms that Texas claims sovereignty under the 10th Amendment over all powers not otherwise granted to the federal government.
It also designates that all compulsory federal legislation that requires states to comply under threat of civil or criminal penalties, or that requires states to pass legislation or lose federal funding, be prohibited or repealed.
_________________
A couple of vital concepts, as distilled by my city's name sake, Sam Houston.
"Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may." You might have heard of him. He was the first president of Texas. Yeah, that's right. You see, Texas started out a soverign republic. And he had something to say about that, too."If we are to merge our national existence in that of the United States, then it seems to me that we should have something to say as to the terms of the union." _________________
Really, really, really - we don't want your "stimulus" money, Mr. Obama. Really.Labels: headlines, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 9:30 PM |
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| Sunday, January 11, 2009 |
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I read the Barnacle this morning when I got up. The headline was:
Lawmakers face Windstorm
This story was about the Texas Legislature. It only meets every two years (isn't that a cherry job?) and there is always lots of talk about the important work it is going to do, the important issues that need to be addressed, and what the lawmakers are likely to do about them.
What really happens is that the lawmakers spend a lot of time doing feel good stuff and making sure that they firmly and, with profound authority, avoid addressing any real, vital issues unless the issues involve voting raises for themselves or just make them look really good to the public.
This year the top of the heap is Hurricane Ike. You might remember it. But then, you might not. After all - even though about 5 million or so people were without electricity for two weeks, a million or so people evacuated the Gulf Coast, hundreds of thousands are still living in homes that were severely damaged by the storm but who can't get their insurance companies and/or FEMA to do what they're supposed to do, and thousands lost everything they ever owned and are still living in hotels, praying to have some kind of help and a future - even though all of that happened, we are after all, not Dallas. So maybe you didn't hear about Ike.
Hmmm. Wow. I appear to be a little bitter.
ANYway... The Texas Legislature in 2007 created something called the Texas Windstorm Fund. This was supposed to have lots of money in it so that communities that are devastated by natural disasters would have access to immediate financial help.
As of September 14, 2008, Galveston County found that it had a little problem. So it turned to the Texas Windstorm Fund for a little help. And it was revealed that even though the Legislature had created the fund (Hey!! That's our lawmakers earning their keep! Looking out for the little guy! Taking our problems seriously! Let's vote for them AGAIN!) it turned out that, well, they didn't actually authorize any MONEY to put in it. Let's say that again. They CREATED the fund. But the didn't FUND the fund.
Flash forward to today, four months after Ike. The Chronicle has this big headline about Windstorm. And of course, it has a quote in the story from a member of the legislature, Democratic Rep. Craig Eiland. He's from Galveston. Bask in his brilliance.
"The Legislature was wise in setting up the disaster fund, but we were cheap in not funding it. A fund that doesn't have any money in it is pretty much like no fund at all." And we PAY this man.Labels: headlines, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 1:36 PM |
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| Sunday, December 21, 2008 |
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What a difference 100 degrees Fahrenheit makes...
Houston, Texas: 45
Prince Albert, Saskatchewan: -45
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| posted by Carol @ 2:07 PM |
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| Saturday, December 06, 2008 |
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I was given this book, A Year of Living Biblically, by two dear friends who read it during their engagement. It was a meaningful experience for them. I was sincerely touched that they shared it with me, and I've waited a couple of months to read it - until it felt right to pick it up.
When I did take it from the trunk of my "Clown Car Full of Liquor"* I saw that it had been inscribed. Whoa. This is a special book.
I'm sitting on the ferry on my way back from my first visit to Bolivar since Ike. That trip was something I was dreading and anxious to do all at the same time. Bolivar is such a big part of my heart. It was really hard to be there. But that's for another time. (BTW I still haven't put my pics from Galveston here and I haven't forgotten. The whole thing has just turned out to be a lot more emotional that I ever thought it would be so be patient, OK?)
Anyway - I'm sitting in my Clown Car Full of Liquor with this book propped up on my steering wheel. I'm early in the book. I'm reading the part about when the author and his wife are dealing with the biblical laws that address women's periods. One law the author must abide by is that he can not sit on a surface where an "unclean" woman has sat. This is causing all sorts of issues for him out in the streets of New York City. He comes home one day (while his wife is "unclean") and he starts to sit on a chair. His wife says, "You can't sit there. I sat there." So he heads toward another chair. "Nope can't sit there, either." He moves. "Or there... or there... or there."
His wife had gone through their entire apartment and sat on every chair and bed in every room. The laugh out loud was just what I needed after getting on that ferry to leave the Peninsula.
__________________________
*FYI - you can get 7 cases of wine into a Miata. Eight if you try hard. This will surprise some* people.
*Clown car, indeed. I can park fucking ANYWHERE. Fear me, if you dare.Labels: cult, miata, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 11:28 PM |
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| Saturday, November 15, 2008 |
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Boliver was finally opened to the public this past Wednesday. The ferry is running again, on a limited schedule. I can't go yet. I mean, I CAN. I have the time. I just can't go yet.
I know I've said a number of times here that I'm going to post the photos from Galveston - I went down the day it opened to the public. I actually tried to sit down and put a post together last weekend, but I could only get about halfway through. There are so many pictures and I just couldn't choose. Which ones would say what it felt like to be there? Would this pile of someone's life speak? What about that one, with the Texas flag still fluttering - behind mounds of that person's memories?
Every refrigerator on the island was sitting on a curb. Some houses had two, or three sitting out there. Whose refrigerator would convey to you, who probably have never been through a hurricane - especially not a devastating storm - what it means to put your refrigerator on the curb?
We don't think about an appliance that way - as an integral part of our lives. But stop for a moment. There's your kitchen. Your fridge its there. (I know, I know - it is a ghost power user. Too bad.) Your fridge really is a part of your daily life. Sure - it makes your ice and keeps it frozen so when you get home you can pour a big glass of iced tea and sit on the porch watching the squirrels fight in that big tree in the back yard.
But it's so much more. It holds part of your heart.
Maybe it was the first appliance you bought when you moved into that new home as newlyweds? You remember going together and shopping for it. That experience helped solidify the interaction, the process of compromise, that would become part of your lives together as husband and wife.
Or - when the hurricane destroyed that refrigerator - did it have your home brewed beer in it? Was it the first batch you had made that you thought was good enough to take to that party next weekend and share with people? After spending all that time learning how to balance the ingredients, manage the tubing and hardware, and tinker with the finest details, you had made beer. And trusted your fridge with it.
See those eggs? You were going to use those to make your daughter's 6th birthday cake. She wanted it to be pink, with a princess on top of it. But you can't do that. There won't be a cake this year - or at least you won't make it - and the chance of there being a princess on top are very slim. When you pull that soggy, muddy, stinking carton of eggs out of that refrigerator you're pulling out something that should have become part of your family pictures, something you would all look back on. Your daughter would be able to see that cake 30 years later and remember that her mother's loving hands had made that perfect pink frosting.
Did the freezer in that refrigerator still have the top of your wedding cake in it? What about that stinky imported cheese that you couldn't really afford but had bought as a treat for yourself, anyway? It has mold on it now, but not the right kind. When you came home last weekend from visiting your folks, did your mom make you take a big plastic dish filled with her homemade lasagna, carefully covered in tin foil, and was it being protected by that appliance? That plastic dish was a touch of home that you took back down to that island with you.
So while I looked at all the pictures of those refrigerators on all those curbs, I couldn't decide which ones would let you feel the loss that the people on Galveston felt. Think about taking the door off your fridge and tossing it on the curb along with that big box. It's not a ghost energy user anymore. Now it's just a ghost.Labels: headlines, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 10:34 AM |
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| Sunday, October 12, 2008 |
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It's now five weeks out from Ike. Here's a little bit of a pictorial.
First, I slept pretty much through the whole thing. We lost power at 10:30pm Friday night. Not long after that I crashed. When I woke up in the morning the storm was more or less over. I went for a little walk in our neighborhood. What was striking is that it was so quiet. It wasn't until later that I would learn that the quiet was caused by about 4 million people being without electricity. This is the CenterPoint Energy's OH MY GOSH WE'RE FUCKED map. They released this the day or so after Ike, just to let everyone know that they were all waaaaaay down the line on the repair list. The map says 2.1 million customers. That translates to between 4-5 million people. The blue areas are the areas without electricity. If you can see it, the little light blue star almost in the middle? That's home.
Irrefutable proof that you have a good neighbor, and that your good neighbor has a generator.
These are just a few random pictures I took on the morning of Saturday, September 13. Our neighborhood got off like Ike was a walk in the park.
As I walked down my street, I came upon this unknown neighbor. This REALLY cracked me up. I've seen people tape up the windows in their house but c'mon... these folks must be from out of town. Compare this picture to the ones of cars above and let me know what you think of these folk's hurricane preparedness realism.
This is the only real damage Casa AC suffered. When I walked out into the back yard, The Black Dog came with me. Remember - this is the dog that freaks out if you throw a shirt on a chair. He HAULED dog ass over to the fence, jumped right onto the downed wood and into my neighbor's yard. He has lived on this side of that fence for over five years, only dreaming of getting to smell the grass that those two dogs that live over there pee on.
This is what the living room of Casa AC looks like when there is no electricity.
There were some simple things I thought about when we were able to stop by the house and check on it. I missed the front of my fridge. That crawfish? Its legs and antennae are on springs so they wiggle back and forth. I bought that down on Crystal Beach when The Husband and I were renting a beach house for our anniversary. The pear pig? Bought that at Half Priced Books. I think it's charming. The long blue thing? The Husband's co-worker brought that to him. It's the Clinton Presidential Library. We keep it because it really makes us laugh - it looks just like a double-wide.
Hurricane survival tip: Before the storm take pictures of everything you own. Every part of your house, inside and outside. Every piece of furniture. Open all the cabinets and shoot your dishes and cookware. Get the appliances. All the crap in the garage. After the storm, when you come home - within a few short hours of the electricity coming back on - take a picture of your meter so you can prove to Reliant Energy what it was reading at so they can't screw you on your next bill.
You know what this is? This is what HEAVEN looks like when it comes to Houston. These, my friends, are members of THE SWARM. After most of the city had power, two weeks after Ike, CenterPoint girded its loins and dispatched crews to large areas (like Spring Branch) that were still dark. They called it THE SWARM. And it was. The Husband and I had come by the house on Saturday to check on it and when we turned into our neighborhood we had to dodge a line of six tree trimming trucks and about 10 electrical trucks. These guys were from all over the country. And because they were here, just down my street, it meant I got to go home. I actually cried.
When we finally did get to come home on Sunday we checked the mail. I SHIT YOU NOT. I MEAN IT. I S H I T Y O U N O T. This was in the mailbox. My tax dollars at work.
This is what bread looks like when it spends two weeks in an house without air conditioning in Houston in September. Mmmmm we should get paid by a pharmaceutical house for this contribution.
This is what the inside of a freezer looks like after you clean it out of a LOT of food, which of course had to be thrown away. At least we remembered to eat the Blue Bell before it melted.
I went down to Galveston last weekend. It was finally opened to the public. Holy. Shit. I'll talk with you soon about that and show you what I saw. Holy. Shit.Labels: headlines, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 10:02 PM |
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| Friday, September 26, 2008 |
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The Laura Recovery Center has a list of about 340 people so far who have people looking for them. There are sixty-four people on that list from Bolivar. The Red Cross has a list that is searchable by those looking for missing people. Local law enforcement folks are taking reports, too.
The Barnacle says it will have "more" on the missing on Sunday. Let's see what they have to say - about why it's taken two weeks for anyone to notice that hundreds of people aren't there who - were?Labels: headlines, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 7:04 PM |
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Top Management at CenterPoint salary.
$4,572,798 David McClanahan President and CEO CenterPoint Energy
$1,532,675 Gary L. Whitlock Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer
$1,462,191 Scott E. Rozzell Executive V. President, General Counsel & Corp Secretary
$1,435,924 Thomas R. Standish Sr. V.President and Group President Regulated Operations
$1,037,791 Byron R. Kelley Sr. Vice President and Group Pres. Pipelines & Field Services I'm just saying...
 Labels: headlines, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 11:12 AM |
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Coming back into the city today. A contrast in smells.
This morning, 6:30 a.m., leaving the house we had rented for the last two days outside of Cat Springs.
Top down – sun just beginning to turn the sky pink and orange. The Black Dog riding shotgun. The smell is moist dew on mossy oak trees and an occasional whiff of a working ranch that hosts cows, llamas, buffalo, and donkeys. The soft, distant, earthy smell of fresh manure.
An hour and a half of inching into Houston on the Katy Freeway. Exhaust: diesel, gasoline, and emotional.
Eldridge Road north from I-10. Eldridge cuts through Bear Creek, which is part of the Addicks Reservoir flood zone built by the Army Corp of Engineers. This is a fun road. Wide, good pavement and smooth but determined curves. There is usually very little traffic, which allows for a good, fast run.
Today the smell is a gag inducing stench. The entire reservoir has been standing in a few feet of water for two weeks. It is vile. These are acres and acres which are covered with tall grasses, and oak, pine, and mesquite trees that normally smell fresh and wild. The land here is still rough. Even though it is surrounded by the city more or less on all sides, there is wildlife that thrives. White tail deer, skunks, armadillos, snakes, opossum, feral cats, raptors, song birds, and the occasional report of an alligator that most of us locals laugh off. The stench is overwhelming.
This is the smell of rotting vegetation, animal waste, and the bloated reek of the bodies of animals killed in the hurricane, their bodies decomposing and becoming part of the overall revolting melange. I gasp for air through my mouth, demanding more speed from my car – fleeing this place where I would normally linger.
Turn right on Clay. Head out of the flood zone, into the suburbs of Spring Branch. I cross Gessner. The smell is sublime. It is irresistible. It is sensual. It is hedonistic after Bear Creek. It is unmistakable - fresh baked bread. It is the epitome of warmth, safety, peace, and industry. It is the local HEB Bakery. It is the morning’s fresh bread coming from the massive industrial ovens.
It is the contrast of a city devastated by wind and rain. The stench of the flood zone and the heaven of fresh, hot bread both say the same thing: progress is happening. Life is slowly returning. Some things must rot to begin to live again. Some things rise with only a little yeast and warm water.
It is hard to be here. When I am not here I can almost - almost - put it out of my mind - the why of why I'm in another town, not sleeping in my own bed. I am glad to be back near Houston - we've got a hotel in Katy for a few day - but I miss my home and I want to go back. CenterPoint, I'm trying to have faith.Labels: headlines, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 10:33 AM |
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| Monday, September 22, 2008 |
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Normal population on Bolivar Peninsula: about 30,000
Number of people who didn't evacuate for Ike: several hundred
Number of people rescued after Ike: approximately 60
Number of dead, according to the Galveston County Medical Examiner: Eight
Statewide reports of "total" number of dead range from 26 - 30
What happened to all the others? If there were "several hundred" - which I readily believe - who didn't leave Bolivar, and there are sixty confirmed rescues, and the Galveston medical examiner says they've got eight bodies - WHAT THE HELL?
Why isn't the media talking about this? Where are those other people? If you target "several hundred" and say that's maybe about 250, take away the 60 who were rescued, and the 8 bodies that are in Galveston, where the hell are those other 180 odd people? I haven't heard Not One Word.
Normally when lots of people die, the media is on it like white on rice. Swarming!! Pushing other reporters out of the way! Oh, the hyperbole that the media pukes up when there is a large loss of life!
So where is the media? Where is the body count?
Are they all just afraid to say what so many of us are thinking? That these people were just washed out to sea, their bodies never to be recovered? Because that's what most of the people I talk with think. We think they're just g o n e.Labels: headlines, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 7:44 PM |
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| Wednesday, September 17, 2008 |
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Had to come back to Houston yesterday so The Husband could restore the network at his company. No power. No phone. No internet. It feels pre-historic here except for the bite-sized Snickers bars.
Thanks for the access to check email oh great Mel of the "has power" social structure of the world and man I forgot how much I love washing machines!! Woohoo!
I have lots of pictures that I plan to inflict upon you all when I have free access to the net. I'm waiting for my local Panera to get power so I can hang there.
Oh - one more thing - while I really like my job, I'm finding that I am not heartbroken that the school has water damage and no power - if I have to live in a pre-historic world at least I don't have to go to work with hairy legs.Labels: headlines, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 5:19 PM |
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| Sunday, September 14, 2008 |
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Hey Rick - thanks for checking in. I could post because our next door neighbor had a generator and he let us string a line so we could charge phones and laptops.
Me, The Husband, and The Black Dog all skeedadled from Houston about 2am Sunday morning and got to Austin at 5am. We drove through horrible lightening storms most of the way - the kind when you drive on the highway at 15 mph and pray. Power, water, land line phone gone at home. That we could live with but when the gunfire started we worried. When a bullet hit our back fence and we had enough. All the stores were out of food and ice all day, but they sure had beer and all day a LOT of people had been walking out of them with 48 can packs of Bud - then they had nothing to do all day but drink. It got very ugly very fast.
We just got a hotel room about an hour ago. I've had the first hot shower since Friday - I washed my hair with that wonderful Austin soft water that comes out of the Edwards Aquifer which I love so much! I feel soft, clean, and safe. I'm so much luckier than the other 3 million or so people down in Houston, not to mention the half million or so on the coast who now have NOTHING. Blessings from someone with more pull than I have. Sheesh.
I have photos from the drive around The Husband and I took after most of the downed trees in our little neighborhood were more or less pulled out of the road but we bugged out so quickly I didn't bring my camera. I'll show them to you later.
We lost our fence - can you imagine that that is all the damage our house has???? I don't know how we deserve that. I am shocked.
When I got up to the counter here at the hotel and they said I could have a room I pretty much lost it. The lady was so nice. When she handed me the form to sign I just started crying... I realized that I have just been running on adreniline for days and at that moment that I felt safe - a dry place to stay - a chance to get clean - I just stood at the counter and cried. I feel so selfish to feel that relief when I know people are whose lives are devestated and they are on chairs in their front yards with nothing left so I guess I'm just that shallow because - really - I'm so grateful to be here.Labels: headlines, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 8:04 PM |
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| Saturday, September 13, 2008 |
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Wanna go to the beach? Not so much.
The Husband and I took a short tour of the local neighborhood around 11am. There was still rain and some wind. The only thing open was a donut shop. Praise God for deep fried dough and sugar. There was a serious line. But we didn't stop - I has stocked up on breakfast bars and Reese's peanut butter cups so we're OK on the sugar needs.
A few current headlines:
On Galveston officials are "pleading" with the media not to photograph corpses.
The Balinese was completely wiped out.
Here in Houston proper there are about 4.5 million without power. That includes us. That's about 99% of the households in this area. Labels: headlines, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 2:28 PM |
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| Friday, September 12, 2008 |
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Two copies of all the photos: ten years worth of pictures and the new "this is what we own" pictures all on the laptop and the 2 gig drive - the drive in the "Gotta Go" bags. A thousand stupid souls on Galveston.
One of the NEW things I've heard that I've never heard with a storm before: On Boliver, the officials have sent out a request to those who are still there that they take a permanent black marker and write their social security numbers on their forearms so that their bodies can be identified after the storm. If that doesn't say "You're a dumb fuck" I don't know what does.
Me? Doing laundry. Digging stuff out that has been in baskets for a few weeks, and stuff that has been actually lost for a while. I don't think I even knew that I own six pair of bed sheets. I did find a few socks that The Husband has been missing. And I've been wondering where that blue sweaater has been.
I want to pack an extra box of amunition in my "Gotta Go Bag", but I'm unable to decide if it should be magnum or not. This has really struck me. Holy cow. I am such a Texan. Hmmmm... tracers, magnums, wad cutters, or just specials?
Oh! And don't forget q-tips and the Chanel No.5. There are some things a girl just has to have.Labels: headlines, husband, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 4:05 PM |
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It's 12:45p Friday afternoon. Surfside is flooded - Highway 257 is covered by the Intracoastal Waterway. In Galveston the seawall is covered with debris. The waves are crashing up to about 20 in the air when they hit. There are some of the stupidest people in the world standing on the edge of the seawall taking pictures of the waves. How stupid can humanity be? There you go. That's it.
There are still people on Boliver. OK. I guess that's stupider. One guy was just saying on the phone that They missed the last ferry last night, and that by the time they tried to get out on 87 it was covered with water, and Rollover Pass was inundated. There are 150 calls piled up with the Coast Guard on Boliver, people asking that they and their families be rescued. Do they not know that helicopters can't fly in high wind? Oh, did I say Too Stupid To Live? LITERALLY? You've probably never been on Boliver. I've been going there for about 30 years. Go look at your kitchen counter. Take a pound of sugar. Open the bag and pour it out in a long line along the counter. The counter is the Gulf on one side, Galveston and Trinity Bay on the other. The sugar is Boliver. Oh, wait. Run your hand along the line of sugar and flatten it out a little more. There. That's Boliver. It's flat. FLAT. Highest elevation is 10 feet. Sort of like the brains of the people still on the peninsula.
The winds down there aren't about 40mph yet. This is just water now. No rain. We've got about 5mph up here in Spring Branch. We're forecast for about 85mph sustained by about 3am. I hate it when a storm comes in at night. You don't get to see it and there isn't any good video later. There is looting in Kemah. LOOTING!! Already!! Broadway is flooded on Galveston.
I have some relatives hiding in the dog track at Texas City - they can't leave their dogs. Texas City has a levee, but lots of the people there have finally realized that the seawall might keep the bay from doing to them what is happening on Galveston, but it's not going to stop the overflow and the backfill. Again, stupid. People in Texas City are saying "We went through Alicia and we were fine!" How many synonyms are there for IDIOTS?
We've taken pictures of everything. We've got the food, the water, the flashlights, the Beijin radio so we can hear the weather after we loose the lights. We're about to pack a couple of bags so that if we need to leave the house we can just grab them and we'll have some clothes and our Must Have papers. And my jewelry box of course. The Black Dog is low maintenance thank goodness.
We haven't boarded up - we've got everything that could maybe fly in the garage. I'm about to go out and chop down the hibiscus that is next the the bedroom window. The BIG trees by our house are on the south side so if they tear out they're likely to land on the neighbors to the left instead of us. Our front yard oak is only about 9 years old so it's not big enough to tear out the whole roof it it comes down. It would just take out the dining room. The garage door is strapped down. The Honda is out front so we can use it after the storm if we need to, or so the Miata will be safe in the garage and we'll have one good car if we loose the Honda. We've got the safe room almost ready - water, dry food. Towels, radio, pillows, blankets. I was a couple of years from being born during Carla but my Mother always talked about it with horror in her voice.
I've heard "hunker down" 18 times so far. Three of them were from The Husband. I threatened to kill him. Now he's saying "shelter in place." Better. I'll be back. Gotta go chop down the hibiscus.Labels: headlines, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 12:45 PM |
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| Thursday, September 11, 2008 |
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It's 12:22am Thursday morning, September 11. We're being inundated by WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE stories of Hurricane Ike. I've just read the front page of the Houston Chronicle. I've been cruising the Chron most of the last couple of days, waiting for it. And now, finally, it has happened.
As of this moment the HUNKERING DOWN has begun. Thanks Dow Chemical in Freeport for taking that first hunk for the rest of us.
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| posted by Carol @ 12:22 AM |
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| Sunday, August 17, 2008 |
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Random life stuff.
1. I signed onto Blogger just now to write this post and they have "updated" the dashboard interface and they're sure I'll "LIKE IT". Well listen up you jackasses. I DO NOT LIKE IT. I DO NOT LIKE IT WITH GREEN EGGS AND HAM. Stop screwing around with stuff.
And now back to our originally scheduled blog post:
1. If you want to really entice me, do what Jarib Kent did: Send me spam with the subject line "Carol is a Moron." I swear to God. And I'm keeping it just 'cause.
2. The Sister called today. She may have been infested with alien gay germs but at least she observed The Weekend Rule and didn't call until 12:01pm. But then the continuing saga of weird continued. Let's listen in...
Phone: BRIIIIIIIINGGG. BRIIIIIIIINGGG. BRIIIINNNNNNNGGG.
Me: dhiopwlkhjdfs.
Phone: BRRRIIIIIIINNGGGGGGGGGOIIIIIINGNNGGG.
Me: shjoasdkjgejh.
Me: (yank phone from table, flip open) Hwkoish?
Her: Hey, are you OK?
Me: Ahioe Aknodiu.
Her: Are you awake?
Me: AKHJGDOIEN!! LKSFN!!!!
Her: Sorry I woke you up.
Me:
Me:
Her: I just want to know if you want to go to Boliver with Us (she and The Girlfriend.)
Me: Boildifver??
Her: Yeah we cleaned out all the fresh and frozen meat from the fridge and we're going down there to have a big BBQ.* Ya'll should come! Pack up the Black Dog and come down.
Me: Boildifver?
Her: Are you OK?
Me:
Me:
Me: Boliver?
Me: Boliver?
Me: You're going to Boliver? In August? To set a fire?
Her: Yeah! It's not all nasty and humid today.
Me: You two are out of your fucking minds. Call me in November and invite me to go to Boliver and set a fire.
Her: Oh you mean to The Gulf of Colorado.
Me:
Me:
#2. I'm sitting in the Panera Bread on 105 in Conroe yesterday. We'll get into WHY I'm there sometime soon because this is NOT normal behavior for me. Anyway, I had brought my laptop to entertain myself while I waited for the person who was coming to meet me. I ran my email, read a couple of newspapers. Then I clicked on my link to AC here so I could go cruise some of the links I keep on the left over there.
But the Panera spam filter gave me this instead:
Pron. I'm PRON!! I feel so proud.
#3. I tried wearing real shoes last week. School is starting in about a week or so and I've been wearing slides for three months - since THE ANKLE SURGERY. (You wanna see the picture again? Yeah, I didn't think so.)
So I tried wearing some regular shoes last week because I'll need to you know - not look like it's still summer anymore - and all that. My left foot was OK (of course it had the stretchy brace on it). But my right foot? Hurt like hell. Would have gotten a blister if I hadn't gone back to my slides. Oh the irony. I've basically been barefoot since May 1 (my natural and preferred state). Now I will pay. PAY I tell you. I must return to the land of the Shod People and I'm not going to be happy about it.
#4. OK. Let's talk about BBQ. Mmmmmmm. BBQ. I've talked with ya'll before about Coopers up near Llano. Mmmmmmmmm. BBQ. So now I am going to share with you a musical review of BBQ. Mmmmmmm. BBQ. Pay attention and you'll learn something.
BBQ is MEAT.
________________________________________
*See attached video about BBQ.Labels: Blogger, miata, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 12:37 PM |
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| Monday, August 04, 2008 |
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"I've got cats that kill animals. When they kill something, they eat it. You don't even eat it. You're not even an animal. You're the worst thing I've ever seen." -Randy Ertman - Jennifer's dad
"He will be treated to appropriate Texas justice." - Gov. Rick Perry
"I'm not sure that your future parole officer has even been BORN yet and I'm not sure that you deserve for him to have even been born yet." -Judge Pat Shelton when he ordered the transfer of Venancio Medellin from juvenile detention to adult prison.
Elizabeth Pena made it to 16.
Jennifer Ertman made it to 14.
Jose Medellin has lived longer in prison, fighting his death sentence, more years than Jennifer Ertman lived in her whole life.
Raped. Beaten. Kicked. Sodomized. Terrorized. Shared amongst six soon-to-be murderers. Again. Raped. Sodomized. Again. Ribs broken. Begging. Begging. Begging. Teeth knocked out. Still. Genitals torn and bloodied. Brutally strangled. First with a belt that was pulled so tightly around Jennifer's neck that the belt broke. Again. For more than an hour. Sodomized. Raped. Beaten. Dragged through the trees. Forced to kneel. Their shoe laces slicing into their throats. Dead. Kicked some more, just to make sure. Their throats stomped on. Left to rot in the woods of a park. Rotting for four days. Decaying. In the heat, with the bugs.
"The world court has no standing in Texas and Texas is not bound by a ruling or edict from a foreign court," -Gov. Rick Perry's spokesman Robert Black
"The world court don't mean diddly. This business belongs in the state of Texas. The people of the state of Texas support the execution. We thank them. The rest of them can go to hell." -Randy Ertman
"I believe we've been through all the red tape we can go through. It's time to rock and roll." -Adolfo Pena - Elizabeth's dad
I was 29 in 2003 when these girls were destroyed by six sub-human men. One of them is now dead. Another will die tomorrow night in a small room about 60 miles north of me. The wait has been too long. There is another one that will die, but we don't know when yet. There are others - they were juveniles when they violated and desecrated the bodies, hearts, minds and ultimately annihilate the lives of Jennifer Ertman and Elizabeth Pena - who will only be in prison for decades.
I was 29 in 2003. I lived only a few miles from the park on T.C. Jester where the lives of these two girls were stolen. I remember the news coverage of the search for them after they disappeared. I will never, never forget the abject horror of Jennifer's father when her body, along with Elizabeth's, was found down in those woods by the bayou. I will always remember his face as he stumbled around on the grass, on the edge of sanity, as the police wrapped him in their arms, holding him back from running into the woods where he knew his daughter's body had been discarded.
He wants a friend.
Jose Ernesto Medellin
Sean Derrick O'Brien
"It is the worst mistake that I ever made in my whole life." - O'Brien's final statement from death row.
Raul Omar Villarreal
Efrain Perez
Peter Anthony Cantu
He's looking for a friend!!
He's working on a college degree, likes painting and country music, and has "denied" himself the chance to make friends.
Venancio Medellin
In my gut I believe that the death penalty is right. In my head I believe Texas should put a moratorium - an open ended moratorium - on executions because the justice system in Texas is so screwed up.
But sometimes.... sometimes.... the sentiment expressed on the radio today by a woman who was asked what she thought cuts to the heart of the matter:
"They should have been shot on sight."
Indeed. Let's rock and roll.Labels: headlines, law, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 7:12 PM |
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| Friday, July 04, 2008 |
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Helllllllloooo, Bertha. Your baby brother Arthur was just screwing around. Let's see if you're serious. Welcome to summer on the Gulf Coast.
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| posted by Carol @ 6:38 PM |
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| Tuesday, June 10, 2008 |
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My office mate and I were talking today about how this past weekend went. I always want to know what she and her fiancé did because they're young and hip and do fun things. 'Cause they're young and hip they CAN do fun things.
Oh - and they're both from the Eastern Sea Board so this whole Texas thing is still fun and amazing for them both. (Common type of comment from Office Mate "I'm just not used to having all these BUGS all over the place. What are they?? I saw one yesterday that are so tiny you can hardly see it and it was crawling on my HAND!!"*)
So I learn that this weekend she and her fiancé visited some guys up in College Station. She starts to tell me a story about something one of the guys said but she kept stopping because it was so "offensive" and she was embarrassed. The story had begun with "This guy started talking about his catfish". I assured her that, having grown up in Texas, there is no story about a catfish that can offend me, and there is hardly anything a person in College Station could DO with a catfish that would surprise me. So she gives up the story:
They're hanging around this small lake, drinking beer and swimming. One of the guys (Gee he's a Aggie. SHOCKING.) starts talking about these catfish he catches. He thinks that if he could teach these catfish to suck on a part of a guy that guys love to be sucked on (these are NOT the words he used) that he could make a million bucks. He said he would looooove to sit around all day having a catfish suck on him.
One of his Aggie beer drinking friends said "But you're married. That would be cheatin'."
And he says "Naaaw. If it ain't the same species it ain't cheating."
Now ladies and gentlemen, I gotta tell you, I've heard some funny damned logic come out a many a Southern man's mouth but that is some FUNNY SHIT.
I had to assure my Office Mate that no, the Different Species rule wasn't as common to Texas as those tiny red bugs that you can hardly see that crawl on your hands. And let me tell you, I laughed my ass off.
Ain't the same species. Ain't cheatin'. Made my afternoon.
And THEN she wanted me to explain the whole College Station / A&M thing. "When I went there it's like it's everywhere. The whole town is about it. A&M this, A&M that." So I tried to tell her that the only reason College Station exists is so Aggies can have something they can coat in purple. And she said, "And they all wear their A&M RINGS. Who wears their college RING??" And I tried to explain to her that, while Aggies are not actually a cult, that they are very chummy, sort of like Jesuits or Moonies. I think it will take some time to let it all sink in.
*She's also amazed by erratic thunderstorms and tornado warnings, people who drive as if you're in their way when you're doing 65 because they want to go 90, and Fort Worth.Labels: personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 9:22 PM |
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| Tuesday, April 15, 2008 |
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I am going to post this article in its entirety because it is so perfect from beginning to end. It has everything. Crime, reptiles, stupidity, audacity, and laconic law enforcement.
"Just a typical day in Brazoria"
April 15, 2008, 6:03PM
Alligator not the only unusual find linked to suspect
Brazoria inmate accused of trying to steal a TV also had a snake in his car, hair trimmer and video game device in pockets, authorities say
By RICHARD STEWART
Copyright 2008 Houston Chronicle
ANGLETON — When William Johnson made a couple of suspicious U-Turns at the intersection of Texas 35 and 288 early Sunday a state trooper pulled him over.
Then the trooper noticed a 6-foot alligator contentedly riding next to the back window of Johnson's car. Johnson said he found the gator on the side of a road.
But it was allegations that Johnson had been taking things out of a mobile home in the nearby town of Brazoria that sent him to jail on a burglary charge. Investigators found a hair trimmer and video game controller in his pockets.
Johnson, 30, and his fondness of reptiles, had already come to the attention of local police, Brazoria Police Chief Neal Longbotham said.
On Friday an officer responding to a call about a man bothering people in the parking lot of a local drive-through restaurant gave Johnson a citation for public intoxication.
Johnson said he was from Tennessee and was on his way to Corpus Christi. He said he'd stopped in Brazoria to work briefly for a tree trimming service.
Johnson advised the officer that there was a water moccasin snake in his car and that the snake had already bitten him on the hand.
An animal control officer found the snake and removed it, Longbotham said.
Johnson refused medical treatment for his hand.
Early Sunday a resident of a local mobile home park said Johnson knocked on his door and asked for help hauling a big television out of a mobile home, Longbotham said.
"The neighbor told him that's not your house," the chief said.
Then the neighbor noticed the alligator in the back seat of Johnson's car, Longbotham said.
Johnson left the television in the yard and drove away.
A few minutes later he was arrested by the trooper. He is now in the Brazoria County Jail, held on $25,000 bail on a burglary charge.
A game warden took the alligator away.
Johnson told investigators that he found the snake and the alligator on the sides of roads and picked them up because he has an interest in reptiles, Longbotham said.
"Just a typical day in Brazoria," the chief sighed.
And now, the funniest of all the comments left by the readers:"You might be a redneck if..."
And the comment that took the words right out of my mouth:"Hair trimmer?!?!" Labels: headlines, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 11:37 PM |
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| Monday, April 14, 2008 |
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The body tote board for today according to the Houston Barnacle:
1 - leg found on the coast down by South Padre
1 - skull found on Hempstead Highway out by Hockley
1 - entire body, nude save two socks, wrists and ankles bound, floating in Galveston Bay near the Causeway.
And it's only 9:30pm! Hell - we could find the other leg, or maybe even a kidney between now and midnight!Labels: headlines, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 9:36 PM |
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| Saturday, March 01, 2008 |
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I met my dear friend Mel yesterday afternoon at The Flower Corner to talk with them about the flowers for her upcoming wedding. After the flower chat, I was driving north on the West Loop, trying to get back to my side of town. It's about 2pm and the loop is PACKED all the way back before the 59 bridge. We're inching along - one of those where you make it to 2nd gear thinking maybe you'll get to move but no, not really.
I'm thinking well it must be an accident. Since the loop was rebuilt a few years ago it's unusual for it to just be stopped at this time on a normal Friday. Inch by inch, I make it toward I-10. When I crest Post Oak and can see the feeder leading up to Memorial, it's truly an "Ah HA!" moment. It's a trail ride. I know that if you're in Boston you can't even begin to understand this, but on a Friday late in February every year, the trail riders finally make it to Houston in anticipation of the Houston Live Stock Show and Rodeo. They've been on the trail - truly - for days or weeks, traveling with chuck wagons and sleeping under the stars. It's a huge thing down here, a religion for some of the folks who ride.
There is one ride, the Salt Grass, that rides down a road close enough to my house for me to just walk down and sit on the curb to watch it go by. It's a little bit surreal to sit down in your urban neighborhoood while 1,300 people go by on horses. I delight in the sound of the horse's shoes clomping on the road and the wind-chime sound of the tack. I've been stopped at a red light while the same ride crossed the road I was on. It's such a gas - people get out of their cars to watch, the riders smiling and waving, people yelling greetings back and forth. The folks who have kids with them - those are the best. They put their kids up on their shoulders, or stand them up on the hoods of their cars, and you can see that it's magic for the kids. It's the only traffic jam you don't mind being in.
Which is why, when I crested Post Oak and saw that the feeder was down to one lane - the trail ride had one all to itself, and that the jam on the loop was because everyone was slowing down to look at the trail riders, it was one of those traffic jams that turns out to be OK.
And I'm pretty sure that folks in Boston have no way to get that. Ya'll should come down here in late February and just pull over to watch the world pass by on a horse.Labels: cult, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 1:07 PM |
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| Tuesday, February 26, 2008 |
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I'm sitting in line at the Jack in the Box this morning waiting for my Grilled Chicken Southwest Salad. On the radio is a commercial for a Mercedes. I'm sort of halfway listening to it with part of my brain.
I remember 21 gallon tank, diesel engine, you'll want a big gulp to drink because the gas mileage is so good you can go from San Antonio to Kansas City without stopping - 600 miles. So all these tidbits are floating around in my head.
Then - get this - at the end, in that really-fast-talking small-print-legalese-voice you hear at the end of commercials sometimes, I heard, "This car does not meet vehicle emissions standards in California, Oregon, Washington, Vermont, or New Hampshire and cannot be purchased in these states. But who cares, because you're in Texas. Yee haw."
I just cracked up so bad. It was all said with the same inflection, and totally unexpected, so it was great. Yee haw indeed.Labels: texas |
| posted by Carol @ 11:30 PM |
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| Saturday, August 18, 2007 |
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Beautiful. Just beautiful.
Hey, I know hurricanes, OK? Born and raised on the Gulf Coast. Never lived further than 45 minutes from the brown sand and tar balls. Hurricanes? Tropical Storms? Volunteering for the Red Cross? Evacuating? Hoarding bottled water? HUNKERING THE FUCK DOWN? Been there, done that. Will do it all again many times in my life. Maybe even next week.
That guy up there? That's Dean. And yes, Dean is beautiful. When I look at the rings on a tree, or the thousand different shades of orange and pink in a sunset, or the endless forever off land filled with glaciers, what can I think other than "beautiful"? All forces of nature.
The tiniest little green and purple bug crawling on the windscreen of my car as I sit in traffic on Westheimer can delight me. I love to wake up in the morning and see the trails left by the snails that have snailed around in the condensation on my kitchen windows during the dawn. Thunder is primal.
In my life I have sat many nights listening to a transistor radio, turning the dials by candle light because the power lines have been blown down. I have filled my bathtubs with water, counted my canned goods, double checked my battery supply, and brought in all the patio plants so many times I can't remember them all. I have stood on Galveston Island holding photos from that 1900 storm, turning in circles, imagining away the Burger Kings and the Surf Shops and replacing them with the piles of wooden boards, the strewn bricks, the dazed survivors digging for their dead. I see the same buildings still standing that they saw. Old Red. Moody. St. Patrick's.
And still, that awesome swirl of wind and water is breathtaking. Still I stare into that perfectly formed eye as if I am looking deep into the heart of the universe.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not butt stupid. If I were on Jamaica my ass would have been on a plane three days ago going ANYWHERE but there.Labels: headlines, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 6:43 PM |
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| Sunday, May 06, 2007 |
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In a world where so many families are torn apart by divorce and selfishness, where the children are left by the wayside, I want to share a story with you about a family that is full of love and warmth. I know the people who make up this family. They are kind, funny, honest, and devoted, beyond all else, to their wonderful daughter. Let me tell you, this is one of the most delightful little girls I've ever met.
This is Pete's blog. While he is gregarious and has many friends, he is also a private man. In this story he has taken the very brave step of sharing with the world the story of his daughter, and his family's heartbreaking challenge of being confronted with being told their precious child has PDD-NOS. This is clinical shorthand for Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified. This is part of the autism spectrum of diagnoses.
Pete and his wife are working every day to make the best choices they can to help this beautiful child find her way in the world. They are luckier than many families in that they have good jobs, a fantastic support system of friends and family, and the drive to understand and work through the byzantine world of professionals that quite often offer opposing advice and contradictory services.
This post talks about the state of Texas and the irrational decisions that are made by politicians who control the insurance policies that govern this state. Please go take a read and, if you feel compelled to act, do so. This family has resources and love not available to all families. They all need the support of sane people, and of course, we all know those people are rarely the ones who make the laws.Labels: bloggers, law, medicine, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 4:02 PM |
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| Thursday, April 12, 2007 |
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I had a little oral surgery yesterday. (By the way, I have a wonderful periodontist and yes, Dr. L., I do feel guilty for baking cookies for my PCP but not for you. I WILL rectify this slight.)
As I sit here the morning after eating my "soft diet" breakfast, it occurs to me that a "soft diet" in Texas is most likely very different from a "soft diet" in oh, say, Minnesota.
I am enjoying my guacamole and refried beans. Last night my chicken tortilla soup was delicious even though I did have to let it sit about 30 minutes so the crispy tortilla strips got mushy. Viva Tejas!Labels: medicine, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 12:46 PM |
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| Saturday, March 31, 2007 |
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So! Camping. This is our second time at Garner State Park. The state of Texas has a great state park system and The Husband and I have enjoyed many of them. Garner happens to have been our second choice for the location of our wedding - there is a pavilion there with a beautiful outdoor circular dance floor with an inlaid stone design that hovers over the edge of the Frio River. We ended up going with our first choice, outside of Fort Davis on Blue Mountain, and we are glad we did. But I digress.
We left Houston on Monday. How many ways can I describe rain? Drizzle. Splashsplash. WOOOSH go the 18 wheelers at 90mph in a 70mph zone where they should actually be going 50mph because visibility is only about 4 feet. RAINHARDRAIN. I-10 is so much fun in a torrential thunderstorm. Oh, did I tell you it was raining? And we had a tent? And plans to sleep in a tent? In the woods? WITH THE RAIN? Yeah, we were amazed at our brilliance, too.
Past San Antonio. Gee. It is still wet. Wet as in hail. Hard hail. Is all hail hard? In my experience, yes. It seems harder when it is hitting the hood of your husband's shiny car, which he thinks should remain show-room new looking until it dies at 300,000 miles. So there is a little stress in the Honda.
Into Hondo. Damned that's a nice town. Mainly because the people are nice. Just a little rain. BUT STILL, rain. Leaving Hondo, I remark to The Husband that it would be nice to live in a town where the people are so nice. He remarks that Hondo has a large, active Christian influence. I remark back that this isn't necessarily a bad thing. I go on to observe that an active Christian community can result in fewer flip offs in traffic (which by the way, there isn't any traffic in Hondo), less murder, rape, and mayhem. Less spitting of chewed gum onto sidewalks. The Husband remarks that in order to fit into such a community one would have to not be a hoyden. He says this implying that I would not fit into such a community. I remind him that I gave up my hoyden days almost two decades ago, about the same time I gave up wearing black suede come-fuck-me pumps and going without underwear. He just looks at me knowingly. I would have kicked him if my knee still worked so I could move my leg that way in a moving car.
Passing through Sabinal, the heavens open and the glorious God's bright sunshine greets us, shining through a Columbia blue sky with friendly white puffy clouds. Yeah, we're camping damned it. And you can't stop us!
We have a camping strategy. We camp in the spring and in the fall. Now, we haven't camped since the accident so I am special happy happy about this trip. In the spring we always plan adventure for the week after spring break and before Easter. Our experience has proven that during this time, state parks are damned near empty. Garner has about 350 sites for tent campers and vehicle campers. It's a big park. It is bordered by the loveliest quite little river, the Frio (yes, it lives up to its name). We trolled the park deciding which site we wanted. We counted about 20 sites in the entire park in use. WE LOVE THAT! We chose Live Oak and damned if we didn't choose the best site in the park. There were three other campers in this area, all grouped way far away from us, all Winnebago people who were traveling together. So basically we had the whole damned place to ourselves.
For three days. Until God came back with the rain. Yeah, you remember the rain, right? AS IN WET? IN A TENT? On Wednesday afternoon the park host came over to check on us.
"How you folks doing?"
"Great!"
"You know the RAIN is gonna come back tonight?"
"No, we aren't listening to anything. Didn't bring a radio or a phone."
"Well they say it's going to be bad starting about midnight and then it will be really bad all night and then tomorrow, well, maybe you folks want to break camp tonight. Seeing as how ya'll are in a tent and all."
HEY. We have driven to Alaska. We have dodged black bears on the road, survived 18 wheelers loaded with fresh trees hurtling down the Cassiar as if the devil was chasing them when in truth they just really wanted a hot cup of coffee, navigated the Maw Of Hell in California, made in rain in Death Valley. You think we're afraid of a little wet? WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' WET. Oh, wait, that doesn't make sense.
Let's just say that I learned something about myself on this trip. I learned that I should be ashamed of all those years I made fun of people who live in mobile homes when tornadoes come. I learned that people who live in Coleman tents when tornadoes come are more better stupider.Labels: husband, texas, vacation |
| posted by Carol @ 11:59 PM |
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| Sunday, March 25, 2007 |
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In some parts of the country the arrival of Spring is marked by a date on a calendar because there is still four feet of snow on the ground. In other parts, it is the cherry blossoms. In Houston there are three fail safe signs.
1. Azaleas in full riot.
2. Patio lunches bussed by selfless legions of pigeons.
3. Quick, low cost, no wait, gas station divorces by an attorney who obviously must be incredibly honorable and successful. (Also does DWI, Bankruptcy, Warrants, Auto Accidents, Civil Cases, and the most valuable of all...consultations!) I just wonder if the van is a prop or if it is actually the shyster's office.
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| posted by Carol @ 8:53 PM |
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| Thursday, March 15, 2007 |
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OK. Time for the conversation I overheard in Austin this weekend. I'm standing in the backyard of the house where I'm staying. I am out there watching The Black Dog run around making friends with Roman, the huge red cutie pie that lives in said backyard. The Black Dog and Roman are Power Peeing which means that The Black Dog will approach a spot. He will smell it. He will wag his tail. He will turn sideways to the spot, lift his leg, and pee on the spot. Then he will happily trot off. Then Roman will go to the spot where The Black Dog just had a pee. Roman will smell the spot. His tail will wag. He will turn sideways, lift his leg, and pee on the same spot. Then he will happily trot off after The Black Dog. This can go on for hours. Where do they GET all that pee??
Anyway, I am standing there and I hear this voice coming over the fence from the neighboring back yard. It is a male voice, an old smoker's voice, a very agitated voice. I am hearing one side of the conversation. It is a LOUD, distressed, and aggressive side.
"Don't tell me you didn't do it!"
"I was there you son of a bitch! Don't tell me you didn't!!"
"What??"
"Don't give me that crap!"
"I WAS THERE!!!"
"I KNOW YOU KILLED HER!"
At this point I'm thinking "Holy shit!" and moving closer to the fence so I won't miss anything.
"Yes you DID. I SAW it!"
"Don't give me that composite drawing bullshit!"
"You bastard!"
"Yeah, well that's easy to say since you're DEAD."
At this point I realize the guy isn't talking on the phone with a murderer. At this point I have an urge to go see how many empty bottles of Mad Dog are in his garbage can. Austin is a one of a kind kind of place.Labels: texas, vacation |
| posted by Carol @ 12:42 PM |
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| Wednesday, March 14, 2007 |
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Dear Diary: March 13,2006.
Yesterday I wore at least 1/4 inch of tread off the sides of my tires tearing down 2222 and Lime Creek Road. Total switchbacks, major downgrades (oops there goes the stomach!), altitude changes that make you pop your ears. Three hours on the narrow twisty roads and barely got to 4th gear a few times. Forgot how sore and tired you can get clutching from 2nd to 3rd and trying to steer all at the same time while your tires grasp the edge of a road with a steep drop off and no guard rails. For THREE hours. I got back home, hot showered, swallowed a big Naproxen and slept 14 hours today. PER FECT. A little sunburn, a happy dog, and a WAY happy Miata owner. This is what the car is made for. Stopped at my favorite lunch counter in the Texaco just this side of Lago Vista. It's run by a family from El Salvador and let me tell you... if the drive wasn't so great it would still be worth it just for the tacos al pastor with a big pile of fresh cilantro and chopped onions.
Lots of rain and thunder today - perfect for sleeping curled up under a blanket with The Black Dog to keep my feet warm and all the windows open so I could hear the wrath of God thundering across the sky and flooding Shoal Creek outside. Woke up now and then, ate something, went back to bed. I love Austin. Too bad no one else has the balls to ride in the car with me! It would be fun to hear all the screaming. Oh, and citywide free wifi rocks. AND Austin Java just delivered a mean cheeseburger and caesar salad...right to my door! The only thing they deliver in Houston is pizza and jury notices. I should move. Now if only 2 bedroom houses in bad neighborhoods didn't cost $300K. I'll tell you later about the psycho in the next door back yard who had alllllll these conversations I got to listen to whether I wanted to or not.Labels: miata, texas, vacation |
| posted by Carol @ 9:24 PM |
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| Thursday, March 08, 2007 |
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Unpaid endorsement:
Are you like me? Do you get the itch to drop the lid and go buzz around in the hills with The Black Dog slobbering in the passenger seat, the wind blowing both of your ears back and both of you wearing goofy grins, grooving on Bob Wills, the Stones, and Dwight Yoakum?
Are you like me? Does this itch come on the SAME FREAKING WEEK every year, when the redbuds are blooming and the sun is warm, the breezes are sexy, and those who suffer from allergies are sniffling and sneezing hell and gone all over the place?
Are you like me? Too stupid to write it on next year's calendar that YES this will happen again and you should reserve lodging in January? Instead of waiting two or three days before you need to go? Since you always want to go the same week as SXSW??? Even though you have less than no interest in going to SXSW? But THAT IS WHERE THEY KEEP THE HILLS????
Be like me. Be BRILLIANT and resourceful. Think. Hmmmm. SXSW. Arts, creative, talented, young freaks (meant in only the best way) descending en mass upon my state capital for a week's worth of bacchanaling. Hmmm. College students. They always need money. And most of them need money to spend at ....SXSW! AND most of them will either be on Spring Break or volunteering/working/partying at SXSW!! Sleep where THEY live!
Here's the unpaid endorsement part (I know, you've been waiting. And wondering.) Craigslist! Woohoo!! I have achieved the impossible. I have nabbed an entire garage apartment for $55 a night (linens included, even) during the busiest week in Austin (except when we're inaugurating another idiot as governor, which we do like clockwork). In the heart of Austin. And not on a nasty freeway. Just around the corner from the Omlettry! Can you say...breakfast?? And there's even a nice big yard where The Black Dog can chase Austin squirrels after he climbs out of bed in the morning. SWEET.Labels: texas, vacation |
| posted by Carol @ 8:23 PM |
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| Friday, February 16, 2007 |
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Best spam subject line in a long time. Rarely in life do you run across the proper useage of a semicolon, not to mention a spam subject line that not only is a complete sentence but also spelled correctly. Brings back wistful memories of my late teens. Laying on the beach on Boliver with Liz. An ice chest full of Bacardi and Coke, lots of "Sun In", oil field helicopters ferrying workers out to rigs, and trashy bodice rippers to read. Heroes named "Dirk", "Lance", and "Beau".
I prepared to flee, of course, but something stopped me - his look; proud and fierce, and yet strangely vulnerable and even wistful. Labels: texas, vacation |
| posted by Carol @ 11:34 AM |
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| Monday, February 12, 2007 |
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 I hit 20,000 today. I had fantasized about hitting it on the north side of 166 going around Blue Mountain in West Texas, or maybe on 1431 west of Austin. Instead, I hit it driving home from the hardware store where I got a couple of keys made and bought some new door hinges and some screws. But hey - at least I made it to 20,000! My last Miata didn't even live to 4,000. Zoom Zoom!Labels: miata, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 1:28 PM |
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| Friday, February 02, 2007 |
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OK kids, lets all sit back and watch Carol's head explode! Ready? BOOM.
Rick Perry is slime. He is a sanctimonious, hypocritical autocrat who goes to sleep in Merck's back pocket every night. He has handed down from on high an order requiring "Texas Schoolgirls" to get Gardasil vaccinations. He even went so far as to say that requiring Gardasil is no different than requiring polio vaccinations. Hmmm... I'm not an epidemiologist but I can put cervical cancer in one hand a polio in another and see that one is seriously different from the other. BIG FREAKING DIFFERENCE, Governor Goodhair*!!!
You know, a couple of years ago the Perry family sent out an official Holiday Card with a picture of Rick, Anita, and two kids. Sadly, the two kids weren't the Perry's kids. We in Texas decided that maybe the Perry family thought maybe their kids just weren't pretty enough? Not that that has anything to do with this jackboot governmental interference with a parent's right to direct a child's health care, I just think it is indicative of the kind of slime he is.
*We're gonna miss you, Molly!Labels: headlines, medicine, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 2:54 PM |
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| Thursday, January 18, 2007 |
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The following is reprinted from a "Letters to the Editor" column in Douglas County, Oregon. I don't think I could say it better myself.
I have a question not only for Douglas County, but for the entire state of Oregon. Like a lot of other folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as they see fit. In order for me to get that paycheck I am required to pass a random urine test, which I have no problem with.
What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them?
Please understand I have nothing against helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem helping someone sit on their butt. Could you imagine how much money the state could save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?
-Leonard Wilson
Riddle, Oregon I am always delighted when I hear something that is a new idea that makes so damned much sense. You know, I was in Oregon about ten years ago and I really liked it. Hello, Austin. Are you listening? Yeah. Right.Labels: headlines, opinion, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 11:03 PM |
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| Friday, January 05, 2007 |
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Houston radio sucks. It's just the truth. Back when I was but a wee girl, we had kick ass radio. KLOL 101 was the only radio anyone ever needed. Then in the 90's is started to get moldy. By the end of the decade it had already died a slow death and was finally put out of its misery not long after that. With its demise came the infection of Radio Viva Latino Spanglish Blah Blah (HEY PEOPLE - there ARE still people in Houston who aren't into Modern Country, Rap, or SALSA.)
So what's a girl to do when NPR isn't on? This one listens to right wing wacko talk shows. It's the best comedy available since the original Saturday Night Live cast (Jane, you ignorant slut). Speaking of Saturday Night Live...
(How's this for a segue?)
A couple of days ago all the wackos were beating the dead horse of Obama What's His Last Name Again coming out of the druggie closet. The opinions ran the gamut from "As long as he didn't commandeer a national guard crew to go rescue his ill gotten gains from a freezer during a natural disaster I'd vote for him", to "Bin Ladin is running for PRESIDENT?"
But one guy, oh man, this one guy (THIS is why I love talk shows) calls and says, in defense of Obama I guess, "Well it's a well known fact that Bush did cocaine. Yeah. Hell yeah. It's documented!"
The radio host questioned that, saying that it was alleged, it was bandied about, but that Bush never admitted it.
So radio caller wacko guy says: "Yes it WAS documented. It's a fact! It was on Saturday Night Live!"
Damned I need to be careful listening to this stuff while I'm driving. You ignorant slut.Labels: clever blahblahblah, headlines, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 12:14 AM |
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| Saturday, December 30, 2006 |
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I know we all hear about wacko law suits but this one is straight the the lawyer's mouth. This by the way happens to be one of the few lawyers (like, three, period) who I know to be an honorable person.
This evening we had a Cult meeting at our Cult leader's house. A little after Christmas cult get together. One of the member's husbands, Honorable Lawyer, joined us which is a treat because he doesn't come out often and he is a wildly funny guy. He decided to tell us a story about a case his firm is working on right now.
You may know (but probably don't) that Texas has developed a problem over the last few years in the form of wild hogs. Note, I'm not talking about javalinas, which are a whole nother story and let me tell you a javalina is a sight to behold as long as you're in a sturdy car that is big enough so that a javalina can't tip it over if it gets pissed off at you. By the way, all you have to do to piss off a javalina is exist within its sight. Also, javalinas are decidedly ugly creatures. And they smell. Bad. But I digress.
Wild hogs. They're hell and gone all over the place here in Texas. So according to Honorable Lawyer, one night a month or so ago a man was driving his truck down a lonely road when lo and behold he approaches on the road a dead wild hog. Chances are the hog was hit by another vehicle and died. So the truck guy swerves to avoid hitting the dead hog. But he does it badly, goes off the road, hits a fence, bounces off the fence, and rebounds across the shoulder past a guy wire holding a big tower of some sort. Not so bad, eh? The bad part is that when the truck rebounded off the fence and headed for the guy wire, the truck guy's head somehow got pushed out the open window of the truck and well, lets just say a human neck hanging out a truck that has just rebounded off a fence is no match for a guy wire. Think Marie Antoinette. And not the cake part.
Honorable lawyer then says the truck guy's family is suing. Everyones first thought is, they're suing the company that owns the guy wire because they should have anticipated that one day a truck guy might have to dodge a dead hog in the road, rebound off the nearby fence, and get his head chopped off by the wire. But nooooooo. Second thought is the family is suing the farmer who owns the fence because it wasn't a break away fence and he should have known that one day a truck guy would crash into it while avoiding a dead hog on the road and the fence should have been space age designed to break away upon impact. But noooooo.
The family is suing the unknown guy who hit the hog and killed it in the first place. YES, ladies and gentlemen, THIS IS TEXAS. So the first thing the law firm is charged with is finding the person who hit the hog. Can you imagine that this is what these attorney people were shooting for when they were studying torts? I mean seriously.
I suggested that the law firm do a forensic psychoanalysis of the hog. Maybe the hog was just really sad and committed suicide by motorist. If that's the case then the hog killer is an innocent hog killer and they can sue the guy with the fence instead. Or maybe, they can sue the lawyer that first took the case. But can a law firm sue itself?Labels: law, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 11:53 PM |
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| Thursday, December 28, 2006 |
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With all the horror stories the news delivers ever day about criminals using guns to kill other criminals (Hello, Gang Wars!) it's Horror and Mayhem all over the place. When a homeowner uses a gun to lawfully protect his/her home and hearth, its is seldom heard of and never a lead on the nightly news. The headline inequity helps create The Sky Is Falling panic and screams of "Take away guns from people!". I still say if you take the guns away from lawful people, the only people who will have guns are the criminals, since you know, they don't get them lawfully anyway. Score one for the good guys! I think I'll go give my Ruger an extra coat of oil tonight just 'cause I can.
Apparent Robbery Goes Fatally Wrong
Copyright 2006 Houston Chronicle
Two men were fatally wounded and two others taken into custody early Wednesday after homeowners in east Harris County opened fire on them during an attempted robbery, the sheriff's office said.
Robert Deleon Jones and Jonathan Garcia were fatally wounded in the 3900 block of Crosby Barbers Hill about 2 a.m. Garcia died at San Jacinto Methodist Hospital, and the other man died at Memorial Hermann Hospital.
Investigators said they were told that Jones, Garcia and two other men had been attempting to rob the residents.
The unidentified homeowners apparently were within their rights protecting their property and will not be charged in the shootings at this time, sheriff's Sgt. N. Araguz said, but the surviving men — Charles Duran and Rodney Jones — face charges of aggravated robbery.Labels: headlines, law, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 10:35 PM |
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| Tuesday, November 07, 2006 |
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"I'm going to tell them why I'm qualified for the job, you know -- I used to work in Alaska clubbing baby seals, things like that," he says.
This is another "Only in Texas" post. Damned I love Houston Press. You won't read about THIS in The Chron. Steve Hoyland is running for Galveston County Dogcatcher. Or he would be running for that position, if it were on the ballot. Steve's campaign slogan? "Cat. The Other White Meat."Labels: texas |
| posted by Carol @ 2:14 AM |
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| Thursday, November 02, 2006 |
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It's wedding anniversary time again. We're* retreating to a lovely little yellow beachhouse down on Boliver. I have a special talent for planning vacations and having one of two things happen. First, it usually rains. I swear. My husband and I got rained on in Death Valley. Twice. Second, if it doesn't rain (and sometimes even if it does) SOMETHING happens to be happening wherever we're going and I usually don't find out about it until I've already put down a non-refundable deposit. Often the something isn't a whole hell of a big deal for example, planning to go to Anahuac the same weekend as GatorFest.
But sometimes, just sometimes (thank all deities), the thing that is happening happens to include an estimated 300,000 yes THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND people riding HAWGS. Yes. I booked a romantic four day vacation on the Texas Gulf Coast for the same weekend that the Lone Star Rally will literally ROAR into town. And by town, I mean Galveston, Texas (the birth place of Barry White).
Galveston (the island) is on average about two miles wide and about 32 miles long. It's normal population is about 60,000. This weekend it will be 360,000. This might be poetic since the city of Galveston was second only to Ellis Island for the number of immigrants processed durring the whole Neil Diamond Coming to America thing. But you know what? They didn't come on motorcycles with glass packs.
This is a quote from the website of one of the vendors from last year in reference to their white palm cowboy hats:
Tighten the Stampede Strap & it's a Texas motorcycle helmet.
It's the toughest, most resilient hat known to the American Cowboy! You can crush it, twist it and mash it into your saddlebag - then wet it, shape it and wear it dancin', to the gala, to the cook off -
Hell, wear it to bed - It's a kick ass hat!
Three observations:
1. MOTORCYLE HELMET?
2. Honest to GOD people here really do wear cowboy hats to galas. But they're usually black. That hats, not the people. Not that black people don't go to galas. They do. And even THEY sometimes wear cowboy hats. Also black.
3. I am sad to say I did once know a man who wore his hat to bed. And not to be sexy, either. Because it can be. Sometimes.
* "We're" usually includes the Black Dog but this time he's being lovingly cared for at home. He loves it when his aunt comes to dog sit. He's too neurotic to kennel.Labels: husband, texas, vacation |
| posted by Carol @ 12:09 AM |
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| Tuesday, October 24, 2006 |
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So, in case you haven't heard, Jeff Skilling is going to the slammer. The FEDERAL slammer. And that's worse than a state slammer because you don't get your sentence shortened by 3/4 because of prison overcrowding.
To quote today's Houston Chronicle:
In the hearing, Lake ordered Skilling to be confined at home until the U.S. Bureau of Prisons determines when and where he will report to prison, a process that generally takes six to eight weeks. The ex-CEO must wear an electronic monitoring ankle bracelet at all times so federal authorities can track his movements, and he can leave his home only for specified reasons, such as grocery shopping or medical appointments.
OK, first off - I guarantee you that Jeffery Keith Skilling does NOT do his own grocery shopping. That's for mortals.
The Chron reported yesterday that Judge Lake was looking at recommending Jeffie get stuck in the federal prison at Butner, North Carolina. So I thought I would take a look at his probable new home:
Not exactly glamorous, eh? Then I thought, well, let's compare and contrast, as we were taught to do by Mrs. Mendel in 6th grade. So I got in my little zoomzoom and, along with The Black Dog, drove down to River Oaks so you could all appreciate the visual impact of his new -v- his old home.
Oh, and his old (current) home? How about a cool $5,223,991 current appraised value. What do you get these day for $5.2 million in Houston? You get a lot, including two rec rooms, five bedrooms, six full baths, one half bath, your basic (HA!) living, dining, kitchen, and study. Oh, and don't forget the three wood burning fireplaces, a pool, spa, outdoor bbq and canopy. You get a little more than an acre of prime real estate and about 9,200 square feet of luxury living space. You also get a tax bill of $126,015 which by the way is only slightly more than the entire market value of my house and I live in a pretty darned nice house. Now, I know this might sound like "oh she's a bitter person who is jealous of rich people!" but the truth of the matter is I'm only bitter about the size of my feet and I'm only jealous of Patti Hansen*.
I'd been to his house once before (although, that time I had been invited as opposed to the low level stalking I did today) but even so I got lost once on those narrow twisty roads. I persevered and brought home this picture for your enlightenment.
I guess the upside is that at least he's used to living behind locked gates. Too bad he'll have to sell it to pay his $45 million fine.
*What, you don't know who Keith Richards' wife is?Labels: texas |
| posted by Carol @ 4:36 PM |
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| Tuesday, October 10, 2006 |
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All you Northerners? Go right now and apply for that second home mortgage to pay your heating bill in February. Make sure your snow shovel is sharp. Get an extra space heater, and one of those electric blankets, too. Maybe three or four. Stock up on non-perishables, batteries, and fire-wood.
Why? Because the headline today is "US Government Predicts Mild Winter". This is the same government that predicted 16 hurricanes this summer along with about 6 "killlers". So I figure that means ice and death for the north.
Remember a few years ago when there was a horrific winter storm in Canada and people were left for multiple weeks with no power, no food deliveries, no cleared roads? Yeah, think about it. They're from the government, and they're here to help.
Brrrrrrrr.Labels: opinion, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 9:50 AM |
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| Tuesday, October 03, 2006 |
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It's October now. On the Texas gulf coast, that is the equivalent of April for a twelve year old stuck in an algebra class, 4 weeks away from summer. The hurricane season officially ends at the beginning of November, although there is still the rare "it could happen" kind of freak chance of a storm before Thanksgiving (sort of like getting a late notice that school is not over, that you have to re-do algebra in summer school).
I'm sure you remember The Gulf Coast's Great Summer of Storms* that was 2005. At the beginning of the 2006 season, headline in May was very "Run For Your Lives!":
National Hurricane Center and two other National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration agencies issued predictions for the 2006 hurricane season including calling for 16 named storms, six of them major hurricanes.
Today the headline in the Chronicle is:
Expert: No more bad hurricanes expected in '06
The story quotes a current statistic: "So far this season, the Atlantic basin has seen nine named storms and five hurricanes."
I swear every time I hear or read the words "hunker down" I want to snort chocolate milk out my nose.
*I suggest that the Weather Channel steal that and use it in a restrospective soon.Labels: texas |
| posted by Carol @ 8:52 PM |
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| Sunday, September 17, 2006 |
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Houston is sizzling. And it's not just because "It's Hot!"*
Houston is HOT because our crime rate has increased in the last year. Maybe you've heard that some of the folks from New Orleans are not the most upstanding citizens in the world and now they're HERE. Want some? I thought not.
Houston is also HOT because once again we have a total RUBE for a police chief. His latest move has been to prohibit officers from chasing suspects who don't stop when they see the bubblegum lights behind them IF they're being pulled over for a "minor traffic offense". The problems with this policy are voluminous.
The first problem was that our police chief (get this - he actually lives in Ari-freaking-zona) told the MEDIA about the policy before he told the POLICE OFFICERS. That actually turned out to be a good thing because the outrage was so systemic that MayorBob (our chief's benefactor) had to say "Hold on, Hurtt. Let's think about this. At least until it comes off the front page of the Barnacle." Yeah, Hurtt suggests that the officer, instead of running down the criminal (because you become a FELON the second you run from a cop) they should instead make note of the license plate and a description of the suspect. This is of course VERY HELPFUL when the vehicle has been stolen. HA. HAHA.
The second problem is that stats show that something between 40-60% of the folks who run when they see the bubblegum lights run because they have outstanding warrants, are carrying drugs (and I'm not talking Viagra here), or have a stolen car in their fists. So running from a cop for a "minor traffic offense" can often actually be a sign of a much deeper problem (aside from displaying how FUCKING STUPID you are). Much like voting Republican, or Democrat for that matter, can be a sign of a MUCH deeper problem.
Segue to San Francisco. The latest treat out there on the coast doesn't have anything to do with prepackaged rice products. It has to do with a dead cop and a rabid group of media sluts who apparently think the COP is at fault for dying. The police officer died during a police chase. The scum who was being chased has a rap sheet longer than Johnny Holmes's you-know-what.
Check out this video.**
I am writing the first check to recruit this guy, Gary Delagnes, president of the San Fran Police Officer's Association, to come to Houston and be the first police chief in my memory to have the balls to get up in front of a camera and tell people that a police officer's life is valuable, that people who kill, rape, rob, and run are pieces of CRAP, and that the judges who keep putting them back on the streets should be held ACCOUNTABLE.
I am passionately in love with Gary Delanges, and he might actually knock Keith Richards out of the #1 spot in my heart. You Go Gary! Woo hoo!
*Yeah can you believe the City of Houston actually paid big bucks to a marketing firm to come up with a new "brand" for the city - apparently "Bayou City" and "Space City"*** weren't good enough - and "IT'S HOT!" was the freaking best they could come up with. "IT'S HOT!" ???? FREAKING DUH!!!
**Kuddos to Jason over at Cigars....Donuts..and Coffee for bringing this exceptional piece of video to my attention.
***The problem with "Space City" is...Clear Lake. Clear Lake is about 40 miles SOUTH of Houston and just happens to be where NASA actually lives. When you're watching live feeds from Mission Control you're watching Clear Lake, not Houston. So actually Houston's brand should be "Half An Hour North Of Space City Unless The Gulf Freeway Is Under Construction or Has A Turned Over 18-Wheeler On It AGAIN".Labels: headlines, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 5:23 PM |
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| Tuesday, August 15, 2006 |
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"You know I have no political experience whatsoever."
I can't think of a better resume for the next governer of Texas. Just look at what the hell has happened with all the pedigreed pukes we've put in charge of the pink limestone!
You can get your very own Kinky talking action figure.*
You can go find out Why The Hell Not.
And you can put your money where your ideals and honor are.
*Because boy dolls aren't called dolls.Labels: headlines, opinion, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 11:56 PM |
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| Friday, July 21, 2006 |
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Again with the "Texas, My Texas."
Think Cities, Think Water. London = Thames. Paris = Seine. New York? The Hudson River et al. EVERYBODY knows about Chicago's coastline. San Fran? Bay. Miami? Pshaw. Houston? Hmmm. Ummm...Galveston? Yeah! Houston's water is....Galveston's. Um. Water.
No, boys & girls. I give you the following snips:
"...teeming with dubiously mutant wildlife..."
"They confirmed nobody in memory had made the trip, and added that it would kill me."
"...that's how they blew up the USS Cole..."
"...mounted deer antlers on it and raced it under the name 'Taxidermy'..."
"...a tube of Pepsodent, two rat traps, and a shard of mirror."
"...and the curious gazes of a llama and a burro..."
"Three hundred thousand Mexican free-tailed bats..."
"Holy shit!"
"...Houston police officers beat up Joe Campos Torres, handcuffed him and threw him in the water to drown..."*
"...the bayou's only known flock of red vented bulbuls. "Let's kill them," he told his colleagues..."
"...seven excrement dryers..."
"...a chrome 18-wheeler gas tank brimming with marijuana."
"...the moored military cargo ships Cape Taylor, Trinity, and Texas."
"Oh, my God," the officer said. "I've never even ran across this."
Houston's water is Buffalo Bayou. Join the Houston Press for a rollicking adventure down the watery artery upon the banks of which the Allen brothers founded this urban swamp I call home.
*"Free the Moody Park Three!" (echoes from my youth)Labels: headlines, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 5:01 PM |
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| Tuesday, July 18, 2006 |
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If I were a "post title-er" type blogger I would title this post 'Texas, My Texas'
I shall not wax poetic about TEXAS because yeah I know you've heard it before. You either get it or you don't. That's ok.
For those who do, I submit from today's houston.forsale usenet newsgroup:
For Sale: AKC Black Labs $200 or trade
I have a few males and a few females AKC reg. all shots and wormed. Pictures at www.jnsranch.com on the for sale link. I can deliver to the magnolia area if needed. They are about 24 weeks old now. I can email updated pictures on request.
Trade for Calves, chickens, goats, guns or suprise me...
Thanks
$200.00 each
Now, I don't know these folks but I visited their ranch website and I wish them a world of good wishes. I have a friend who's family recently fled the CITY. They bought some land outside of Austin. They have some goats now, some cows, chickens... they're raising their family out there and I admire them greatly. Good people.
If you go visit the JNS Ranch and look at the pictures you'll want a puppy badly. I urge you to take note of the tabby in the picture with the poodles. That cat exudes attitude. I wouldn't mess with him. Imagine being a cat and putting up with all those puppies.
And their goats are pretty fine looking, too.
So anyway, if you've got a gun, or some chickens and want a dog, I'd talk to these folks.Labels: texas |
| posted by Carol @ 11:34 PM |
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| Wednesday, June 21, 2006 |
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The Husband and I, in a gas guzzling SUV, driving through La Grange, Texas.
Him: Look! A junction!
Me: Is it a conjunction junction?
Him: No...
Me: Well then what's its function?
Him: And the creators of School House Rock cried.Labels: texas, vacation |
| posted by Carol @ 7:06 AM |
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| Sunday, June 18, 2006 |
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I am sitting in a rocking chair with my feet stuck up on a deck rail, my fancy new HP 17" widescreen balanced on my thighs. The rocking chair is on a wood deck painted screaming purple. The deck is on the back of a cabin (also purple, but with patches of aqua and canary yellow thrown in so it can be seen from space). The cabin is hanging off the side of a limestone hill just west of Austin near Bee Cave. There are juniper bushes and mesquite trees as far as the eye can see. There are three Mockingbirds that have been having a serious discussion for the last 20 minutes about who actually does have the right to be the biggest baddest bird on the shale pile about 15 feet down the cliff. It would be hot if not for the comfort a two ceiling fans whirling above me and a cold Negro Modelo on the table at my side.
I've just renewed my domain here at Ain't Chicken for another year. I did it just now, here on the deck, online, using a credit card.
This morning at 3:30am I called my husband (while driving on a twisty, steep, dark, remote, only slightly familiar, wet road) on the cell to tell him I was on my way back from Austin and would be with him soon.
I have become such a hypocrite. When I was 16 I was yelling at my mother because she wouldn't let me go join the protesters down at the South Texas Nuclear Project.
Now I sit here as an active member of a cashless society who talks on a cell phone while driving and pays her bills from the woods in the Hill Country on a wireless computer.
When my mother was a young girl, she and HER mother made their own lye soap off the back of their wooden house in an iron kettle over a wood fire, just inside the fence from the cow pasture and across the yard from the outhouse.
OK. Maybe progress isn't ALL bad.Labels: personal urban drama, texas, vacation |
| posted by Carol @ 3:28 PM |
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| Tuesday, May 09, 2006 |
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Life has been insane. But I had a really fun experience this weekend. I travelled to Bryan/College Station which, if you're not from Texas I can understand how you might not know, is the home of THE FREAKING TEXAS A&M AGGIES DAMN'IT AND THAT TOWN BLEEDS MAROON.
A&M isn't just a college. It's a para-military tradition for countless Texas families. It is an honored and respected institute. It is not home to lacrosse teams that rape hookers. It is home to fit, well mannered, focused young men and women (finally!) who are Doing Something With Their Lives. Hoo-za. Once an Aggie, always an Aggie.
I personally met four Aggies this weekend. I know this because after the second nicely groomed, polite, well behaved young crew-cut man opened a door for me, said excuse me, ladies first, or pulled out my chair I realized that this wasn't The Twilight Zone - that this was AGGIEVILLE.
So the second one? I asked him. He held a door open for his girlfriend to pass and then for me and I said "Thank you." He said "Yes ma'm," with a slight tip of his head. I couldn't resist. I said "Excuse me, may I ask you something?" He smiled. I said "Are you an Aggie?"
His girlfriend (cute, well groomed, obviously saving it for the wedding night) had stopped and was watching us.
He smiled and proudly said "Yes, I am!"
I looked at his girlfriend and smiled. I said to her, "I thought so. Are they all this polite and friendly?"
She laughed. He blushed. She said "Not all of them, but he is."
We all chuckled and went on our way.
Then it happened again. And again.
I think that girl was wrong. I think they're all like this. I think I want to move to the land of young, healthy, clean living men in their late teens and early twenties who all have straight, white teeth and would never park illegally in a handicapped space.
Oh! Oh! I almost forgot! ALL women should move to Bryan/College Station. WHY you ask? You know how sometimes an organization will have a car wash fundraiser and put girls in little t-shirts and shorts holding signs to get people to let them wash their cars?
In Bryan/College Station it's the MEN AGGIES who stand out there with the signs and they're only wearing Speedo's, and they hold the signs strategically so that you really want to pull into the parking lot to see what's behind those signs 'cause all you see from the street is flesh and really straight, white teeth.Labels: personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 6:01 PM |
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| Thursday, March 30, 2006 |
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In the lovely month of March I took a short blogbreak. Never done that before. It was good, and I spent part of the time in Austin where, even though I drove too fast on some steep narrow roads and some nights drank too much beer on the back porch of my cabin, I also did a little bit of writing. This is from about two weeks ago:
I find myself in Austin and I called an otherwise extraordinarily witty and intelligent friend back in Houston to ask what she does here - any special restaurants I've never been to, that sort of thing. She says..
"Yeah I think there's this place called like Saltlick or something. They have you know. Um. Meat. Meat and cold slaw stuff. And pickles. And dumplins'."
I laugh.. "dumplins???
She says "Um. I meant to say rolls."Labels: ac, cult, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 7:27 AM |
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| Sunday, January 01, 2006 |
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I'm not much of one for resolutions, but I do like beer, peanuts and truly excellent beef jerky.
So my gift to you for the new year is a gentle suggestion that you do your very best to treat yourself to the following three products this year. They are the best of their kind available.
BEER. Beer can be REALLY GOOD. But only if you choose carefully. I'm proud to be an American but c'mon guys...anything that looks like piss isn't beer. Negra Modelo, now THIS is beer. It's a dark ale, it's earthy, it's smooth, it smells so good you want to lick the inside of the bottle. I know - you think dark beer and you think Guinness which makes you think ICKY ICKY YUCK YUCK. But this isn't like that. Try it once and you'll agree that Corona should only be used to clean chalk drawings off sidewalks.
What's beer without peanuts? Well, it's darned good. But it's better with something salty and crunchy. Now don't you be going down to the local Stop 'N Rob to get a plastic bag with some little tiny nuts. Go to Hubs and get a vacuum sealed tin of the biggest, freshest, most perfectly salted and roasted peanuts you'll ever experience. Need nuts? Get Hubs. You'll thank me as you suck the salt off your fingers.
And finally...beef jerky. I'm from Texas so I KNOW ABOUT THESE THINGS, OK??? Jerky should not hurt your teeth. Jerky should not take an hour to chew. Jerky should be full of flavor and that doesn't mean just salt. You should be able to bend a piece of jerky and not have it break or crumble like sawdust. Jerky should be Pemmican.
 Labels: personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 3:29 PM |
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| Sunday, October 09, 2005 |
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In Houston tonight on the only local - yes that's right in the 4th largest city in the nation - only local (A Hearst Publication) newspaper's web site www.chron.com the headline screams out: Astros Win 7-6!
And below that and some links and a nice big color picture of baseball players dousing each other with booze (literally) is the next big story: Quake Toll 20,000 and Climbing.
And so goes the world.Labels: headlines, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 11:20 PM |
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| Thursday, October 06, 2005 |
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This is a picture I took a couple of weeks ago of the last gas pump in Houston that we could find that had gas. That was before they taped it to within an inch of its life. Every other gas station from here to Dallas to Austin just put a plastic bag over the gas pump handle. But these people didn't mess around.
This gas station is just down the corner from where were we live. It played a crucial role in my heart rate a couple of weeks ago today.
We got ready Wednesday night to leave. We got up early and watched the weather. We were still in the middle of the projected path for a cat 4 hurricane. We packed the Husband's big white 30-gallon truck (and sadly left my Miata in the garage to sink or float). We put the Black Dog on the back seat and left before dawn.
A couple of hours later we were well out of Houston and approaching Dayton. We thought hey - EAST IS THE WAY TO GO. We are IDIOTS.
Around 11am, just this side of Kountz, Texas, after having moved about 10 miles in three hours, we had to decide what to do. We had just over half a tank of gas. We knew there was no gas ahead or behind us anywhere near us. We knew the highways were clogged beyond imagination.
We decided safer at home than stuck on the road when the storm hit. So we turned around and drove home.
In desperation, people had turned the west and south bound shoulder of every road into an east or north bound lane. As we drove home we had to go inbetween the two lanes of fleeing vehicles driven by tired, stressed out, hot, frightened people. We were lucky - I really felt for all the people with babies and toddlers in their cars.
So we got home and I just felt cold fear. I felt like I had no options. We couldn't take the gas from my car because it has a protective device preventing the removal of fuel. So we decided we could use it by looking for gas. I drove down Clay and there was the Texaco with a line that was only about 15 cars long (life is ALL about perspective!). Husband came. I went home, waiting and hoping. About an hour later he came home. He had gotten gas before the pumps ran out.
Everything changed when he said he had gas. I felt hope. I had options again.
Of course, we are safe. Most people here in Houston are safe. And lots of people here talk about how the people like my family shouldn't have left - that we clogged the roads and we would have been fine even if the storm had hit Galveston and come up I-45 (like Alicia did in 1983). To those people I say this:
I live in west Houston so I am about 55 miles from Broadway on Galveston. The folks who live in Jasper (where there is still no power but I think they can drink the water now - maybe) live 100 miles north of Sabine Pass and they're not fine at all.Labels: headlines, husband, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 10:45 PM |
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| Sunday, September 25, 2005 |
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I am thinking tonight that in a crisis, your biggest weakness will be your biggest failure.
This has been demonstrated twice recently for those of us on the Gulf Coast.
The biggest weakness of New Orleans and Louisiana is and always has been (and I have a Born There Right to make an honest observation) its government. And it was the local and state governments (and to some extent, the federal ok there I said it) that failed New Orleans. They should have had a better plan. They should have been better prepared.
Houston's biggest weakness is and always has been our traffic. And our traffic was a disaster area for 200 miles in every direction, on every road. People died.
My caveat here is that I think Rick Perry is a boob, but I voted for Mayor Bill White and I look forward to doing it again. When he ran for office I believed it was a first step in politics since he had hit the top in business, and I hope he gives me the chance to support him again in the future.
Back to traffic. Next to Los Angeles, Houston is the most I'M IN THE CAR city in the country. We live and die on our freeways. Some of you may remember that I almost did that second part just last August actually. Our cars are our way to get to our lives. I've talked to you before about our downtown trolley "train". It is totally useless to the vast majority of the 3+ million people here. By the way it still isn't working but they plan to start it up again tomorrow. This in a city with no gasoline. Smart. Don't run the one electric resource we have. The buses are used by very very few people. Texans, and especially Houstonians, are car people.
If you saw the video of I-45 to Dallas or I-10 to San Antonio or 59 to Arkansas, you saw Houston's greatest weakness in disaster mode. We should have had a better plan. We should have been better prepared.
And we means my house, too. I'll talk about that later.
What is the biggest weakness in your city and state?Labels: headlines, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 11:47 PM |
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The Husband, the Black Dog, and I are all back home. Houston is stupid-lucky. I'll blog later about what it is like to be part of almost three million people trying to evacuate a city. But right now, I just have two things.
1. Rita is NOT a non-event hurricane. The entire east side of Texas and what was left of southwestern Louisiana are severely damaged. People are stranded in their homes in Port Arthur, which is heavily flooded. Vermillion Parish in Louisiana is under water and many, many people didn't get out. Houston might have been the biggest story last Thursday, but please, please, don't forget that a disaster has swept through the Gulf Coast again, and that thousands and thousands of people are - right now as I sit in my air conditioned home in Houston - literally holding on for dear life.
2. My first major thoughts about how I reacted to a Cat 5 coming this way.
I am terrified of category 4 and 5 hurricanes.
So THAT'S what "fight or flight" feels like.
The generosity and kindness of strangers can bring me to tears.Labels: headlines, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 6:28 PM |
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| Wednesday, September 21, 2005 |
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You sort of have to come up with a chart:
Cat 2 near Matagorda: Stay put
Cat 3 near Matagorda: Stay put
Cat 4 near Matagorda: Leave
Cat 5 near Matagorda: Leave
Cat 2 near Freeport: Stay put
Cat 3 near Freeport: Leave
Cat 4 near Freeport: Leave
Cat 5 near Freeport: Leave
That is pretty much our plan.
Get the medicine, food, & clothes. Get the jewelry. Get the weapons and
ammunition. Get the important papers. Get the pictures off all the tables
and shelves. Get the computers. Get the precious books. Get the dog food. Pack it all, it's going with you.
Bring in everything from the back patio and put it in the front gallery.
Take all the art off the walls, tie it in big plastic bags, store it in hall
closet in middle of house. Seal all the windows. Turn off the water. Put the massive affair of the wedding dress up on a high closet shelf with mother.
ARGUE WITH STUBBORN HUSBAND ABOUT WHEN TO LEAVE.
Yeah life on the gulf coast is swwwwwweet!Labels: headlines, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 5:04 PM |
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| Saturday, July 16, 2005 |
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Today the Husband and I were supposed to be down on the Dike with the Hobie sailing our lives away. But that crack whore Mother Nature decided to make the radar screen all full of big angry dangerous red and yellow blotches so we couldn't venture out. Aluminum masts and lightning, they just don't mix well.
So instead I stayed at home and did THIS:
Mother Nature is a bitch and Cheetos don't care about the barometric pressure.Labels: personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 5:27 PM |
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| Saturday, July 09, 2005 |
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Man, I loves me some Texas Hill Country. If you haven't been, you're missing something. It is awash in clean, natural beauty, friendly people, good food, and oh yeah, deer.
On of the nicest rivers in Texas is the Guadalupe. Its headwaters are in the Hill Country, not far from where I took this picture, northwest of Fredericksburg. A little farther south, near New Braunfels, you'll never find a nicer place to sit on an innertube with a cold beer and float down a stream.
Another beautiful river in Texas is the Colorado. It's the river that was dammed to create the Highland Lakes, which include Buchanan (where we were), LBJ, Inks, Travis and Austin. North of Buchanan the river is in its natural state and provides a wonderful limestone cliffed area where bald eagles come for the winter. This is the waterfalls - fed year round by a natural spring.
Along with the natural beauty comes some strangeness. This is Texas, afterall. If you decide to spend the day driving around in the area of Kerrville taking in all the natural beauty you will eventually come around a curve and be greeted by...Stonehenge. Don't ask me why. You just will be. Oh yeah, there are also a couple of Easter Island heads on the same land. And not real far from here there's a Bavarian Castle, too. No shit.
And the food. Or rather, The BBQ. Go to Llano. Eat at Cooper's. This is how they make their charcoal for their grills. Each of those logs is about five feet long.
And the ribs? Oh. My. God. The ribs. This one - yeah - one rib - weighed in at 2.5 pounds. Pardon my drool.
In Texas, White Tail Deer are thought of by many as sort of the same way that rats are thought of by NYC residents. They're a menace. They're freaking everywhere. They eat your gardens, eat your grass. They cause lots of traffic accidents by daring to cross roads. On the other hand, many people when they hear DEER just run for the fork and knife - venison is wildly popular. And then there are people like me who subscribe to the whole Bambi thing.
 
There are also wild turkeys in Texas. They're a good bit more rare than Venison and they're incredibly shy. So I felt truly fortunate to have spotted this Tom strutting his stuff in a pasture - maybe the fence made him feel safe. He pretty much just walked up to me.
Nice people all over the place - and a shout out thanks to the geezer who loaned us a line to tie off the Hobie with when ours proved to be too short.Labels: texas, vacation |
| posted by Carol @ 1:31 PM |
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| Sunday, May 29, 2005 |
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There are all sorts of reasons to love early summer regardless of where you live, but if you live in Texas one of the greatest delights comes from our state bird, the Mockingbird.
This flitter is an aggressive cuss and he doesn't care who you are - if you screw with what he thinks is his, he'll pluck you.
In downtown Houston the city government has officially closed a block of sidewalk to pedestrians because there is a Mockingbird who choose the oak tree on that block as the home for its nest this year. Apparently there are some baby Mockers up there and Mommy Mocker is serious about her offspring. The unknowing pedestrian who tried to walk down that sidewalk was in for a swirl of black and white and would end up walking away with less hair than they showed up with. That's right - the birds will yank hair right out of your scalp as a way of saying Hey Get The Hell Out.
Yesterday the Husband and I were up at Lake Conroe and we saw one of my very favorite Mockingbird behaviors. You take a ground squirrel. You put that squirrel somewhere that a Mockingbird doesn't want it to be. You get GRAND entertainment because that squirrel's peace and enjoyment is OVER. That bird will latch onto the squirrel's fur and NOT LET GO. It's truly funny to watch the squirrel running around like a rabid opossum trying to get rid of this huge flapping pulling scary thing that has attached itself to its back. Nature is FUN!Labels: husband, personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 10:31 AM |
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| Sunday, March 13, 2005 |
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I've lived in Texas almost all of my life so I don't really have the perspective of folks from "regular" places. I know that there is a lot of hyperbole when it comes to Texas, and I know that Texas has produced some of the nastiest characters ever to walk the face of the earth. And no, Husband, I'm not talking about George W., so calm down, ok?
Say what you want, think what you want, but you really truly do have to admit that Texans are enterprising cusses, and that we do come up with some of the most original, and some of the weirdest shit you've ever heard of.
The latest thing I've run across is quintessentially Texan. It is called live-shot.com. For $5.95 you get a ten-shot session on your computer where you are personally in control of real live rifle that is mounted in a clearing on some Texan's Hill Country ranch. The rifle is set up to fire .22 shells, and you are firing at paper targets that are mounted on this range the guy has built.
A ranch employee is on duty next to the rifle, and he controls the safety on the rifle so that you can only shoot at the paper targets. The Houston Press ran an interview with the owner of the ranch and quotes him as saying: "We've got a lot of illegal aliens who come through our area, and you don't want somebody who doesn't know any better to sight on a person and pull the trigger." I, along with the Press, am surprised at the ranch owner's naïveté about at least some of his audience's attitude toward illegal aliens.
The owner is working on expanding his services to include live targets. Animals, you know. Sheep. Wild hog. Deer. But surely not wolverines... hisssssclawwwspit.Labels: texas |
| posted by Carol @ 1:31 AM |
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| Friday, December 24, 2004 |
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Alright alright anyone who lives north of the San Jacinto River can just feel free to laugh his or her ass off but..... IT SNOWED IT SNOWED IT FREAKING SNOWED ...... ON CHRISTMAS IT SNOWED! I made a SNOWBALL (by scooping together the 1/2 inch of pure white little balls that had accumulated on the lid of our garbage dumpster - yes very romantic - garbage dumpster snow) and threw it at my husband! BUT! BUT! IT WAS SNOWING so he was wearing a coat so he didn't even feel it. I'm taking this whole thing as my very own personal snow. Once, in 1973, it snowed the morning of my birthday and I took that as my very own personal snow then, too. Oh, and it snowed in 1990 early in the afternoon on a day I got to leave work early and I took that to be my very own personal snow. Yes yes I know there are 4 million other people in this town but....FUCK 'EM! This is MY SNOW!!!!
Of course, I would be happy to make it someone else's snow if I lived somewhere that had so much snow that I would have to go out into the backyard and dig a path through the snow so my dog would go outside to pee. BUT I DON'T SO IT'S MY SNOW DAMNED IT! And a happy happy to you, too.Labels: personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 11:40 PM |
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| Monday, May 03, 2004 |
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A local sign at a bar gives us a definition of "Unclear on the Concept". Sign says:
Cinco de Mayo
Celebration!
May 2
...it's not Dos de Mayo you nimrod...Labels: headlines, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 9:27 PM |
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| Sunday, April 04, 2004 |
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Friday, while in Austin, I was served a glass of iced tea by a college aged student who was wearing a pair of blue and green plaid boxer shorts on his head.
Retiring to the patio of the shop to drink my tea, I was pleased to enjoy the music being made by three old hippie type guys who appeared to have been sitting in coffee houses in Austin for about 30 years playing guitar. They had one instrument between the three of them, and they kept handing it around, playing one song each.
Top it off with the aging hippie type lady sitting at the table next to me who was enjoying her coffee with a big reefer. Quintessential Austin.Labels: texas, vacation |
| posted by Carol @ 11:22 PM |
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| Sunday, March 28, 2004 |
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| Road trip on the schedule again - leaving Thursday for Austin. Strategically scheduled to miss SXSW - I'm entirely too old to be cool. I may hit the Spamfest, though. First time to go alone - usually take the black dog or the Lisa. First time to take the Miata - it BETTER be dry. You HEAR ME? I told the brother that the agenda includes a) chicken enchiladas at Kerby Thursday and b) getting smashed at the Pier on Friday. He said "Are you kidding?" I said no - I really want those enchiladas, damned it! He's so cute sometimes, I swear... He came late in life to this big brother/little sister thing and it's really fun to watch. Gotta remember to pack my liver. Labels: cult, miata, texas, vacation |
| posted by Carol @ 6:28 PM |
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| Monday, January 26, 2004 |
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Fake Superbowl Tickets, anyone?
OK - you can't go to the game, you can't go to the parties, you can't even go to the parking lot - but you can spend $100 and get Genuine Copies of Super Bowl XXXVIII Tickets!!! Woo Hoo!
This has to end at some point, right? I mean - all the people DO have to leave eventually, don't they? Sheesh.Labels: headlines, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 9:24 PM |
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| Monday, October 27, 2003 |
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Do you all RenFest where you are? People RenFest with a vengeance down here in Houston. I haven't RenFested in about 20 years, but I did two weekends ago. The biggest thing I got out of it? The knowledge that one should RenFest once about every 20 years, just so you'll remember why you don't RenFest.
The Best Things About the Houston RenFest:
1. It doesn't take place in Houston! You have to drive about an hour north of town, out to a strip of land owned by a bunch of monks who lease the land to the RenFest people. The site is really nice, with lots of trees and fresh air. If you're lucky like we were and don't go after a rain, it's not even very muddy.
2. It doesn't take place in Houston! Which means that the insane traffic jams that it creates don't contribute to the insane traffic jams that Houston creates.
3. (ONLY VALID FOR MEN AND LESBIANS) Women in chain-mail bikinis.
The Worst Things About the Houston RenFest:
1. It doesn't take place in Houston! Which means that in order to pay $21 for the right to wander around in a field surrounded by pseudo-17th century shops, you actually have to drive an hour out of town!
2. The pseudo-17th century shops selling crappy imported carvings from Malaysia and Korea.
3. The pseudo-17th century shops selling crappy imported jewelry of the type you see idiots buying on eBay all the time.
4. The pseudo-17th century shops selling crappy local -ha! gotcha!- leather goods with a total of about 6 designs repeated ad nauseum with dye that looks like it would rub off the first time your hands got sweaty.
5. The pseudo-17th century shops selling the same crappy imported carvings from Malaysia and Korea, the same crappy imported jewelry of the type you see idiots buying on eBay all the time, and the same crappy local leather goods with a total of about 6 designs with dye that looks like it would rub off the first time your hand got sweaty - and selling all this crap over and over and over again in a bunch of pseudo-different shops but they're all actually the same with the exact same merchandise!
6. Did I mention the pseudo-17th century shops selling crappy reproductions of crappy pastel fantasy art? Lots of dragons and large breasted but hardly covered women with wind in their hair. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZLabels: opinion, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 10:24 PM |
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| Thursday, September 04, 2003 |
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I don't know about where you live, but here in Houston there's a chi-chi mall called the Galleria. It's got your Tiffany's and your Neiman Marcus, it's got your Snooty This and your Overpriced That. It's chock full of the kind of store where, if you go in looking a little disheveled, you get dissed by the freaking retail staff (who probably work for minimum wage).
I had the dubious pleasure of experiencing Truck Concourse A-K and Dock J in the literal underbelly of the Galleria today and lemme tell ya - just the smell makes you want to immediately take one of those chemical showers that you see people taking when they come out of ebola contaminated wards. If the customers who were upstairs paying $3,000 for a pair of plastic shoes with a few beads sewn on the podiatrist's dream of a toe box had any idea that only 100 feet away there was a stench that could peel the paint off their Mercedes I wonder if they'd be so anxious to hang around.
My advise to the Galleria: A little soap and water never hurt a loading dock! Sheesh! Don't you every wash those dumpsters??? Maybe hang an industrial sized Glade strip or something! I don't think I'll ever get this smell out of my nose.Labels: personal urban drama, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 10:42 PM |
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| Thursday, August 21, 2003 |
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Austin Report:
Kerby Lane – Get the chicken enchiladas and you’ll want to go to Austin all the time just for the food. Don’t chat with the busboy. He’ll think you want to be his friend.
Magnolia’s – Damned cute waiter. I’d do him. Actually, he looked really familiar. Maybe I did do him.
Bookpeople – Excellent place to hang in the air conditioning. If your brother is there, turn your cell phone off before you try to pee. Children’s department made me wish I was three feet tall again.
Congress Street Bridge Bats – The bats were late. The bats were sparse. Under whelmed.
Innerspace Caverns – Liked is last time, liked it again. Strange to sweat so much and be so cool at the same time. Tour guide Bonnie from Arkansas. It was her last tour – she’s going back to school – and her absence will be felt. She was great.
The Pier – The best. Love everything about it, from the twisting narrow road you drive down to get to it, to the great hamburgers and oh yeah – all those Rum Runners! Mars came up in the east and my brother kept trying to make me look at it but he had his old Soviet binoculars that you have to focus each eye separately on and I couldn’t get the hang of it so I just sat there drinking instead. The moon came up in the northeast and hung just above the trees, so huge it felt like you could reach out and touch it. Big and yellow and pitted – and no it wasn’t the booze. It was the moon, silly.
Strangest Thing I Noticed – Austin is a self-segregated town. We were in SoCo, Downtown, Georgetown & Town Lake, and after about 24 hours I started thinking – this is just a bunch of white people! I did see two black people driving a car in downtown when we were leaving, but they looked lost. Very strange experience, coming from Houston, where white people are often a minority unless you’re in River Oaks.
Nicest Surprise of the Trip – Lisa is a great person to take on a road trip. Not really terribly surprising because she’s just a great person, but nice to have it confirmed since Husband refuses to drive the Pan-American highway to the bottom of Chili with me. Oh, Liiiiisaaaaaaaa…..Labels: cult, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 3:57 PM |
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| Thursday, August 14, 2003 |
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Yet another reason to be happy about living in Texas:
As I learned today from watching the network stations on the tube talking about the power loss in the North and Northeast, Texas has it's very own personal power grid, separate from the Eastern Power Grid and the Western Power Grid. I guess that makes sense. It would be hard to secede without our own power grid.
Off to Austin to visit Prodigal Brother tomorrow. I bet that, considering that Austin has air conditioning and Manhatten does not, he's glad he moved! Dragging Lisa along instead of the dog this time so we will have a greater number of restaurant choices available. I think most every restaurant will let Lisa in.
Got a great price on hotel last time from Hotwire. Tried Priceline this time. Nicer hotel (for slightly more money) (once again, taking Lisa instead of The Black Dog) and as long as they have our reservation when we get there, I'll be happy!
Another note on the power loss: If I were one of the untold millions who is without power tonight and I had a generator or a battery operated TV and I was watching one of the networks, I'd be incredibly pissed that all they're talking about is NYC as if it were the only place sweltering.Labels: headlines, texas |
| posted by Carol @ 9:58 PM |
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