Saturday, February 28, 2004
On the marquee at my local Catholic church:
If God has a refrigerator, is your picture on it?
That just seems like a lot of pressure to me.
If God has a refrigerator, is your picture on it?
That just seems like a lot of pressure to me.
Friday, February 27, 2004
Oh I love my job yes, I do oh yes, I do I do...
Today I got to leave the office right after lunch and drive out in the woods and soak up the sunshine and zoomzoom around the curves on little narrow country roads in order to pick up some ceramics that had been created for us at Willow River Farm out by the Brazos River.
Oh I love my job yes, I do...
Today I got to leave the office right after lunch and drive out in the woods and soak up the sunshine and zoomzoom around the curves on little narrow country roads in order to pick up some ceramics that had been created for us at Willow River Farm out by the Brazos River.
Oh I love my job yes, I do...
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
OK, Mr. Senator Cornyn, you...lemme get this straight. You think we ought to amend a document that has stood for over 200 years because all of the sudden you're concerned that if the P and the VP go kaput at the same time that ELECTED OFFICIALS might end up taking over the country?
Hey people - what the hell is wrong with these people? I just don't understand anything anymore. I swear...
Hey people - what the hell is wrong with these people? I just don't understand anything anymore. I swear...
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
I didn't know Paul McCartney had a donkey. Bwaaaaahahahahahaha
Chicken to Ride
P.S. By the guy who did the miscarried embryo flattened mouse thingees (see below)
P.P.S. This is a seriously sick person who I think I've fallen in love with even though he's English which means those teeth could actually be his own.
Chicken to Ride
P.S. By the guy who did the miscarried embryo flattened mouse thingees (see below)
P.P.S. This is a seriously sick person who I think I've fallen in love with even though he's English which means those teeth could actually be his own.
Have you seen the Quizno's Subs advertisements that feature what appear to be little cat toy mice thingees made out of rabbit fur then flattened with car tires and given the teeth of some poor miscarried malformed embryo and topped off with a) a pirate hat or b) a bowler? They are the most unappetizing little flat mouse singing beasties you could ever imagine, but damned if I don't think it's a brilliant advertising campaign.
I mentioned them at work the other day and literally everyone had seen the commercials and instantly knew what I was talking about. We all agreed the little malformed mouthed musicians are icky and pukey but we all knew who they were. And because the lines the Bowler hat mashed thing sings are so grossly distorted, we all pay close attention and read the screen to understand what he's saying - things like, bring in a coupon for hair plugs and we'll give you a buck off a sub.
Brilliant advertising!!
BUT I can tell you the one and only time I bought a Quizno's sub the toasting was so light the bread wasn't even slightly golden, much less crunchy. Deeply disappointed since toasting really does it for me, bread-wise.
I mentioned them at work the other day and literally everyone had seen the commercials and instantly knew what I was talking about. We all agreed the little malformed mouthed musicians are icky and pukey but we all knew who they were. And because the lines the Bowler hat mashed thing sings are so grossly distorted, we all pay close attention and read the screen to understand what he's saying - things like, bring in a coupon for hair plugs and we'll give you a buck off a sub.
Brilliant advertising!!
BUT I can tell you the one and only time I bought a Quizno's sub the toasting was so light the bread wasn't even slightly golden, much less crunchy. Deeply disappointed since toasting really does it for me, bread-wise.
Do you have Chuy's where you live?
Have you had the creamy jalapeno dip?
I'm trying to think of something I like better (other than chocolate of course) but I can't think of anything. That's right - I have nothing better to do tonight than sit here and think about the creamy jalapeno dip at Chuy's.
You know, they sell it in 16 oz. containers to go.
Have you had the creamy jalapeno dip?
I'm trying to think of something I like better (other than chocolate of course) but I can't think of anything. That's right - I have nothing better to do tonight than sit here and think about the creamy jalapeno dip at Chuy's.
You know, they sell it in 16 oz. containers to go.
Sunday, February 22, 2004
While I honestly don't know if I support 'gay marriage', I do know I'm 100% behind random acts of love and kindness. This story truly floats my boat:
The flowering of love
Strangers from Midwest send bouquets
The flowering of love
Strangers from Midwest send bouquets
A BLESSING FROM MY SIXTEEN YEARS' SON
I have this son who assembled inside me
during Hurricane Gloria. In a flash, he appeared,
in a heartbeat. Outside, pines toppled.
Phone lines snapped and hissed like cobras.
Inside, he was a raw pearl: microscopic, luminous.
Look at the muscled obelisk of him now
pawing through the icebox for more grapes.
Sixteen years and not a bone broken,
not a single stitch. By his age,
I was marked more ways, and small.
He's a slouching six foot three,
with implausible blue eyes, which settle
on the pages of Emerson's "Self Reliance"
with profound belligerence.
A girl with a navel ring
could make his cell phone go brr,
or an Afro'd boy leaning on a mop at Taco Bell --
creatures strange as dragons or eels.
Balanced on a kitchen stool, each gives counsel
arcane as any oracle's. Bruce claims school
is harshing my mellow. Case longs to date
a tattooed girl, becase he wants a woman
willing to do stuff she'll regret.
They've come to lead my son
into his broadening spiral.
Someday soon, the tether
will snap. I birthed my own mom
into oblivion. The night my son smashed
the car fender, then rode home
in the rain-streaked cop car, he asked, Did you
and Dad screw up so much?
He'd let me tuck him in,
my grandmother's wedding quilt
from 1912 drawn to his goateed chin. Don't
blame us, I said. You're your own
idiot now. At which he grinned.
The cop said the girl in the crimped Chevy
took it hard. He'd found my son
awkwardly holding her in the canted headlights,
where he'd draped his own coat
over her shaking shoulders. My fault,
he'd confessed right off.
Nice kid, said the cop.
--Mary Karr
from the February 2, 2004 New Yorker.
If you haven't read The Liar's Club, you're depriving yourself of a great little book. Mary Karr's writing fits right inside your arm like a well suited lover - if you read her and find that you don't feel her, and recognize so much of your own life in hers, well - you're obviously not from the South!
I have this son who assembled inside me
during Hurricane Gloria. In a flash, he appeared,
in a heartbeat. Outside, pines toppled.
Phone lines snapped and hissed like cobras.
Inside, he was a raw pearl: microscopic, luminous.
Look at the muscled obelisk of him now
pawing through the icebox for more grapes.
Sixteen years and not a bone broken,
not a single stitch. By his age,
I was marked more ways, and small.
He's a slouching six foot three,
with implausible blue eyes, which settle
on the pages of Emerson's "Self Reliance"
with profound belligerence.
A girl with a navel ring
could make his cell phone go brr,
or an Afro'd boy leaning on a mop at Taco Bell --
creatures strange as dragons or eels.
Balanced on a kitchen stool, each gives counsel
arcane as any oracle's. Bruce claims school
is harshing my mellow. Case longs to date
a tattooed girl, becase he wants a woman
willing to do stuff she'll regret.
They've come to lead my son
into his broadening spiral.
Someday soon, the tether
will snap. I birthed my own mom
into oblivion. The night my son smashed
the car fender, then rode home
in the rain-streaked cop car, he asked, Did you
and Dad screw up so much?
He'd let me tuck him in,
my grandmother's wedding quilt
from 1912 drawn to his goateed chin. Don't
blame us, I said. You're your own
idiot now. At which he grinned.
The cop said the girl in the crimped Chevy
took it hard. He'd found my son
awkwardly holding her in the canted headlights,
where he'd draped his own coat
over her shaking shoulders. My fault,
he'd confessed right off.
Nice kid, said the cop.
--Mary Karr
from the February 2, 2004 New Yorker.
If you haven't read The Liar's Club, you're depriving yourself of a great little book. Mary Karr's writing fits right inside your arm like a well suited lover - if you read her and find that you don't feel her, and recognize so much of your own life in hers, well - you're obviously not from the South!
Saturday, February 21, 2004
My husband has been talking all day about getting another dog. A puppy, no less. I think I may have to relent and have sex with him one day soon.
Were you outside today? In Houston? THIS is why god makes convertibles. Go! Go buy one NOW. Don't wait - summer could be here any second and then you'll have to close the lid again until December!
I'm being really bugged by the urge to:
a. go camping
b. go to Austin and get drunk at the Pier
c. go camping and get drunk
Were you outside today? In Houston? THIS is why god makes convertibles. Go! Go buy one NOW. Don't wait - summer could be here any second and then you'll have to close the lid again until December!
I'm being really bugged by the urge to:
a. go camping
b. go to Austin and get drunk at the Pier
c. go camping and get drunk
Sunday, February 15, 2004
Note: Jose Cuervo is only your friend on the actual day you are spending time with him. On the next day, Jose is a rotten sumbitch.
Or, I could just be old.
Or, I could just be old.
Friday, February 13, 2004
Oh, yeah - I'm going to this Anti-Valentine's Day party tomorrow night. A girlfriend at work came up and told me today that this guy at our office who AT LEAST three of us wimin are droolly over is going to show up.
Just what I need.
Going single (but wearing my wedding band!) to a Down With Mushy party so I can get all bothered watching this guy's shoulders move around under his shirt. Well, my husband should appreciate it when I get home at least!
Just what I need.
Going single (but wearing my wedding band!) to a Down With Mushy party so I can get all bothered watching this guy's shoulders move around under his shirt. Well, my husband should appreciate it when I get home at least!
Yes, it is proof that I'm all powerful - I finally buy a convertible and it's rained now 7 out of the 8 days I've owned it. Yeah of course it's because of me!! Snow in South Texas. Could only be because of me.
And now for something completely different:
Like art? Check out Kurt Wenner. Brilliant talent.
And now for something completely different:
Like art? Check out Kurt Wenner. Brilliant talent.
Thursday, February 12, 2004
From CNN today:
"A woman was charged with beating her 7-year-old adopted daughter with a dog chain and keys, burning her wrists on a stove, dousing her naked body with bleach, then locking the girl inside a closet in a coal cellar with a burning furnace filter, police said. The girl was apparently not injured by the fire, police said."
Well, that's a relief! At least she wasn't injured by the fire!
To read the full story click here.
"A woman was charged with beating her 7-year-old adopted daughter with a dog chain and keys, burning her wrists on a stove, dousing her naked body with bleach, then locking the girl inside a closet in a coal cellar with a burning furnace filter, police said. The girl was apparently not injured by the fire, police said."
Well, that's a relief! At least she wasn't injured by the fire!
To read the full story click here.
Sunday, February 08, 2004
OK guys - no exaggerations here - I've washed my hair twice, washed all the clothes I wore last night and since blowing my nose didn't do it I actually got some nasal spray and rinsed my nostrils but I can STILL smell the cig smoke and I've got a headache from it and truly feel a little pukey. Unbelievable.
Who knows of a good quite bar in Houston where a bunch of girls can go swill booze but not have to be around cig smoke? Sheesh! I thought I might have a hangover from the tequila, but this I never expected...
Who knows of a good quite bar in Houston where a bunch of girls can go swill booze but not have to be around cig smoke? Sheesh! I thought I might have a hangover from the tequila, but this I never expected...
I can't begin to imagine how many times in my life I will feel the need to do this but here I go with this turn:
To my friends: I am so sorry that for all those years you had to put up with the stench that wafted around me 24 hours a day because I smoked cigarettes.
Last night, Mel and Lisa and I had supper and then we went to a real live bar to drink. I didn't notice it really in the bar, but when I got in the car to go home I smelled it - that nasty burned tobacco smell. When I got home and crawled into bed my husband said "OK I knew you were out drinking, but I didn't think you were going to smoke!" My hair reeked! This morning when I got up to take the dog outside I pulled on the t-shirt I had been wearing last night so as not to be nekked and I gagged - the whole shirt just smelled so incredibly rotten.
I haven't smoked for three years now, and in just the last 6 months or so my sense of smell has apparently truly recovered from it. So here's the first of what I'm sure will be many mea culpas. Sorry for reeking and thanks for still being my friends and hugging me and riding in my car and sitting at tables with me all those years. And if you're my friend and you smoke, I love you totally, but please don't be offended if I have to pull back a little or sit down wind of you. I had NO IDEA how badly cigs smell until I COULD smell.
To my friends: I am so sorry that for all those years you had to put up with the stench that wafted around me 24 hours a day because I smoked cigarettes.
Last night, Mel and Lisa and I had supper and then we went to a real live bar to drink. I didn't notice it really in the bar, but when I got in the car to go home I smelled it - that nasty burned tobacco smell. When I got home and crawled into bed my husband said "OK I knew you were out drinking, but I didn't think you were going to smoke!" My hair reeked! This morning when I got up to take the dog outside I pulled on the t-shirt I had been wearing last night so as not to be nekked and I gagged - the whole shirt just smelled so incredibly rotten.
I haven't smoked for three years now, and in just the last 6 months or so my sense of smell has apparently truly recovered from it. So here's the first of what I'm sure will be many mea culpas. Sorry for reeking and thanks for still being my friends and hugging me and riding in my car and sitting at tables with me all those years. And if you're my friend and you smoke, I love you totally, but please don't be offended if I have to pull back a little or sit down wind of you. I had NO IDEA how badly cigs smell until I COULD smell.
Friday, February 06, 2004
Don't be a fool. Don't do what I did. Don't wait 'til you're 40.
GO BUY THAT ZIPPY LITTLE SPORTS CAR RIGHT NOW, DROP THE LID AND ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM!
"The most fun you can have while driving with your pants on." -- Edmunds.com
I suggest the Mazda Miata.
Do you need something from the store? No - really - I'll go get it for you. Vroooom.
Happy happy happy me...
GO BUY THAT ZIPPY LITTLE SPORTS CAR RIGHT NOW, DROP THE LID AND ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM!
"The most fun you can have while driving with your pants on." -- Edmunds.com
I suggest the Mazda Miata.
Do you need something from the store? No - really - I'll go get it for you. Vroooom.
Happy happy happy me...
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Just a quick little survey to my dear readers:
What do ya'll think of someone for whom you buy a Christmas present who can't be bothered to receive said present? And I mean, it's FEBRUARY and this thing is still the in trunk of my car.
Yeah - that's what I think, too!!!!!
At what point does posession become 9/10ths of the Who Gets To Keep The Present Rule?
What do ya'll think of someone for whom you buy a Christmas present who can't be bothered to receive said present? And I mean, it's FEBRUARY and this thing is still the in trunk of my car.
Yeah - that's what I think, too!!!!!
At what point does posession become 9/10ths of the Who Gets To Keep The Present Rule?
