Two true stories:
Number One.
A close friend of mine and her sister love each other but have a sometimes stormy relationship. They are the kind of sisters who are so close that they can drive each other crazy better than anyone else in the world.
Friend and her sister, well, they are animals of the modern age. When they argue.... they do it... I am almost unable to type this... they argue via text message.
Now, I'm sure that you (as I did) might wonder how they get across the emphasis of wonderful accusations such as:"You're a BITCH" or
"I hate you and so did Mom" and my all time favorite:
"You have HAIR growing out of your chin". Well I can tell you - they're just master texters. That's the only way this sort of arguing can work.
I'm talking to dear friend the other day and she's recounting a story about a recent text argument she and her sister had. She said that when her sister gets cornered in an argument that her technique is to deflect the argument off point. That's where we come into the conversation - the sister is deflecting but the friend will not be put off.Sister: (something that is deflectish)
Friend: Cop Out Cop Out Cop Out
Sister: That's a low class word!
Friend: A Low Class Word??? IT'S IN THE DICTIONARY!!! Yeah. I know. That makes a lot of sense but hey, my friend's degree is in Library Science so I guess if it's in the dictionary then you're just fucked.
Number Two.
I lost my freaking car key. Lost. As in my airliner broke up in mid air, I crash landed on a deserted beach and all the men are still sexy, don't stink, and their teeth are still shiny white even months later. That kind of lost my keys. And of course I'm now late to work.
I'm searching and lifting things up and shaking them, hoping to hear that friendly car key sound. I seriously thought about shaking The Black Dog, just in case. The key is not where it belongs, and it's not where I went when I first came home (kitchen counter). I searched the car like a mongoose looking for the last cobra in India. Good thing it's a small car cause people, I was LATE. I'm so freaked out that I'm actually sitting there thinking "hmmmm could I have left it somewhere?" and I have to consciously remind myself that damned it, I DROVE THE CAR HOME so where the hell could I have LEFT it??
Finally I give up and call the Mazda dealer. This is the conversation:Them: Can you hold please? (Puts me on hold before I can say OF COURSE!)
Them: Hold.
Them: STILL hold
Them: Badbadbadbad hold music.
Them: Hi can I help you?
Me: I hope so. I lost the key to my car. I have an '04 Miata.
Them: Well you know that's a programmable key - all those cars past '03 have them.
Me: Uh-huh. I have my key code. Can you make me a key and deliver it?
Them: Noooo. You'll have to drive your car here so we can cut a key and then use the computer to program it for your car.
Me:
Me:
Them: Hello?
Me: Did you just say I have to DRIVE MY CAR there? DRIVE MY CAR????
Them: Well we can't make a key without the car here.
Me: OK lets go through this again. L O S T K E Y. C A N N O T D R I V E C A R. HAAAAVVEEE NOOOOO KEEEEYYY. CANTDRIVECANTDRIVECAR.
Them: Well yeah I guess that's true. Labels: miata, personal urban drama |
That was HILARIOUS, yet strangely, I agree. Mind if I copy it and post it to myspace bulletion? It MUST be shared. BTW, how's your foot/ankle?