Monday, March 17, 2008
As we look toward our future and the coming season of matriculation, may I extend the suggestion to those who might even currently be crafting their commencement speeches:
Do not under any circumstance talk about how the graduates are "stepping into their futures" or "on the precipice of their futures" or any other such maudlin cliched claptrap. Hey Bubba. I'm 44 and I'm on the precipice of my future. Two minutes from now is my future. So is tomorrow morning. And by the time I finish spell checking this my future will have come and gone. So really, really, if you're up there, the assumption is that you have something to say and enough brains to come up with it. TRY HARDER.
Also, don't quote Eminem. And if you must, don't be strident about it.
Just lookin' to the future here.
Do not under any circumstance talk about how the graduates are "stepping into their futures" or "on the precipice of their futures" or any other such maudlin cliched claptrap. Hey Bubba. I'm 44 and I'm on the precipice of my future. Two minutes from now is my future. So is tomorrow morning. And by the time I finish spell checking this my future will have come and gone. So really, really, if you're up there, the assumption is that you have something to say and enough brains to come up with it. TRY HARDER.
Also, don't quote Eminem. And if you must, don't be strident about it.
Just lookin' to the future here.
Labels: opinion
# posted by Carol : 11:49 PM
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I always wanted to use Bruce Dern's fantasy speech he gives to his son's high school class in middle Age Crazy, but damned if I can find it anywhere online.
Some highlights:
"I build taco stands for a living; what kind of bullshit future is that? Look at your parents: fat butts, saggy tits, there's your future."
and
"Most of you poor assholes can't even read..."
and
"Give them back their silly fucking hats and stay 18 for the rest of
your life."
Too bad it isn't out on DVD.
Some highlights:
"I build taco stands for a living; what kind of bullshit future is that? Look at your parents: fat butts, saggy tits, there's your future."
and
"Most of you poor assholes can't even read..."
and
"Give them back their silly fucking hats and stay 18 for the rest of
your life."
Too bad it isn't out on DVD.
Hey Pete - as long as SOMEONE is building taco stands, I'm OK.
Never saw the movie - when you get it I'll come watch it on your sofa.
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Never saw the movie - when you get it I'll come watch it on your sofa.
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