| Monday, December 24, 2007 |
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I know it's going to sound like a joke but really - do you want the United States Navy's recipe for scrambled eggs? First, I shit you not, the United States Navy HAS a written recipe for scrambled eggs. That's right. It's written down. It has rules. And oh, yeah, it feeds 100.
Sometimes, at 1 a.m., a girl is curled up in bed with her laptop and her dog, innocently surfing around, and she runs across the strangest things. How can the whole world not be schizophrenic when sometimes all we set out to do is get a big mug and things end up like this?
It is cold in Houston (low 40's). (Shut up.) I want hot chocolate. We don't drink coffee. We have a few mugs that have come into our lives here and there, but only one of them is big enough for hot chocolate. This is a problem when it's dirty. Wash it, you say. Bah! Humbug!
What if The Husband and I BOTH want hot chocolate at the same time, hmmmmm Mr. Smarty Pants? What then??? Hmmmm?
So we're in the market for some oversized ceramic mugs. And I'm surfing around, thinking hmmm mug... hmmm big mug... hmmm really big mugggggg. I'm finding a mug here and there. But most of them are, well, cute. They have bunnies, or flowers, or other CUTE crap on them. I don't want cute. Finally, I run across a mug (on Ioffer) that is big and it isn't cute - it's a John Deere mug!! I think whoa now that's a MUG!
Alas, there is only one. But it gets me thinking and I'm thinking I should get some cool mugs. And that means Navy, of course. 'Cause, you know, sailors. Of course. Or firemen. Hey!! I just thought of that. I'll go back and look at that later. But back to the food thing. Because if we start on the firemen thing this story will never get told and I SHIT YOU NOT it's worth hanging around for.
SO. Navy mug. I find the Navy website. Did you know the Navy has a POSTURE? Of course you did. I am looking for something like the.... Navy gift shop. Yeah. That's it. But it doesn't appear that the Navy thinks branded key chains and tea towels are nearly as important as well, doing Navy stuff. So if they HAVE a gift shop it isn't so obvious. They do, however, have something called an Information Index, so I go there and have no luck with random guesses - merchandise, gifts, store, etc.
I start methodically going through each letter. From Z backwards. There is all sorts of fascinating stuff here. If you want to know - I mean REALLY know - how to behave in regards to the Stars and Stripes go click on U. And if you are interested in "Resources to help you deal with life's issues" (AGAIN I shit you not) go click on N and look at Navy One Source. Is this the Softer Side of Service, or what? But with N I'm getting ahead of myself.
I was going backwards from Z and I got to R. I was looking for SOMEHWERE TO BUY A BIG MUG, remember? That's where this all started. All I wanted was a big assed mug without a bunny on it. So I clicked on R. And right there, for all the world to see - can you BELIEVE Al Queda hasn't taken over yet - is a link to Recipes, Navy.
Yeah, I know!!! I thought the same thing!! I thought - bwwwahahahahahahaha. Are you KIDDING ME? They think people WANT these? Like you muster out and just can't wait to get the little woman to recreate for you that great mystery meat dish you always had on Thursdays while you were in uniform? Puhlease. And there's the disclaimer right by the link that says "NOTE: Feeds 100" sort of like "Danger there be monsters there" or something. Like ooooh well that's scary it feeds 100???? Oh don't click it, Martha!!!
But of course I had to click it. And, yeah, AGAIN, I shit you not, the Navy is SERIOUS. It's not Betty Crocker let me tell you. It's the Naval Logistics Library NEXCOM Recipe Repository. I mean holy crap. And if you've ever seen a worse little piece of shit clip art hamburger in your life I want to hear about it. So go on and do a few searches but FIRST, search for scrambled eggs because REALLY TRULY there is an official, written, codified, approved, detailed, specific, (but apparently not too secret) recipe.
By the way, I searched for hummus and bok choi. Neither of them are there. They do have a recipe for snail, but it's not the animal. Apparently it's a pastry. That I've never heard of.
Now I'm going to go look into that whole fireman thing. I know HFD has an awesome calendar. Now THAT'S a mug. (Hardyharharhar.)
Oh, PS. The SEALS have their own web site, too. Shhhhhh.Labels: husband, personal urban drama |
posted by Carol @ 1:03 AM  |
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| 3 Comments: |
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Probably a little late for Christmas delivery, but go to Navy Gear and search for mug. The only ones that look a little bigger than standard size are the ones that say "Navy Mom" or "Navy Dad."
Donna drinks her hot chocolate from one of these: BMW Ultimate Drive Mug.
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As long as you have a free moment & are now familiar with the Navy...
I worked 2 days at a Naval Medical Center in Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. All the buildings (hospital, clinics, med library, admin, chapel) opened into a huge inner-quad (i.e. you're encircled by buildings), probably a half-mile from one end to the other. If an officer walked within the quad, s/he didn't have to wear a hat (a "cover" - don't get me started...). But if they walked outside the quad (e.g. sometimes it was just faster to get to the next building by an entrance outside the quad) they had to wear a hat; winter, summer, no matter. I asked everybody, "Why?" "Regulation." But, why? I can't tell you the number of times a hat determined my route. "I can't go that way, I don't have my cover with me." WTF! I will buy you an official big ass mug if you can figure this out.
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Brian: I'm trying to think of a bet where I could be such a loser that I would have to use a big ass pink BMW mug. NOPE can't think of one. ;-)
Foo: I want TWO official big ass mugs and I'll pay for them - AND I can tell you the answer. You're military and you're psych. You should know this one. BECAUSE THEY SAY SO. 'Nuff said.
Honestly it's probably like at my office but in a much more anal way. In our little cluster of team offices in the back of admin, the ladies will slip off their high heel shoes and them men will take off their jackets, but if we are going out into the "front" of the building we'll go on and put our clothes back on.
Lemme know how to get those mugs!!
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Probably a little late for Christmas delivery, but go to Navy Gear and search for mug. The only ones that look a little bigger than standard size are the ones that say "Navy Mom" or "Navy Dad."
Donna drinks her hot chocolate from one of these: BMW Ultimate Drive Mug.