Wednesday, October 10, 2007
When I woke up this morning and walked into the living room the first thing I did was look out into the back yard. I could see that the sun was up high enough for there to be a faint bit of dawn light revealing the trees and the fence. I thought "Oh well, the days are getting longer." I was almost to the kitchen before I realized that, it being October, the days are in fact getting shorter, not longer.
This caused me to look at the clock. Ooops. Overslept by 45 minutes. Then I remembered that when I woke up I was laying on my side, my arms wrapped around a pillow I had stolen from my long suffering husband. In my hand was clutched my cell phone, which I use as my alarm clock. This means that the cell phone alarm had been going off every four minutes since 6:00 a.m. and that I had been hitting the snooze button every four minutes since 6:00 a.m - which if you do the math - means that I had hit the snooze a total of about a dozen times. The next thought that struck me was that I was amazed that my husband hadn't beaten me to a bloody pulp by the fifth or sixth time.
So I had overslept. But I wasn't going to let it bother me. I got a diet Coke from the fridge, let The Black Dog out into the back yard so he could go kill a squirrel for breakfast, sat down in the living room and turned on the TV. The first words I heard from the Way Too Pretty To Be Anything But A Talking Head I Bet She's Never Actually Written A News Story In Her Life Because It Might Have Caused A Hair To Move Out Of Place anchor was "We're still watching the mashed potatoes."
I had a vague sort of hmmmm why are we watching them? Are they doing something? I've never found mashed potatoes to be terribly mobile. Or animated in any way.
I flipped channels. There's another Way Too Pretty but this one has Outtie Equipment Down There. He said "And don't expect to get downtown very fast taking 45 South - there was an accident at Crosstimbers and both left lanes are shut down while the hay bales are cleared out of the road."
OK. Hay bales and mashed potatoes that need watching. I couldn't help it. I flipped again.
This talking head gave a heartwarming story about a man whose pet goat had jumped a fence and run away. A kindly neighbor (who obviously does not know good cabrito when he sees it) had found the goat and returned it to the goat owner. The kicker of the story - there has to be an oh too cute kicker - is that the goat's name is Bean. And apparently the goat owner also owns a pot bellied pig, whose name is Frank. This means that:
And yeah, the Talking Heads did take advantage of each of these opportunities. And I only got to work 15 minutes late. And The Black Dog ate Purina for breakfast cause he kills squirrels like a girl.
Oh I almost forgot!! The great mashed potato watch?? Apparently the "mashed" part was... ready? A PUN! Ha! HAHA! A potato pun! Before 7am! The audacity. An 18-wheeler had crashed on I-10. The 18-wheeler had been full of boxes of russet potatoes. The mashed part? Well, figure it out yourself.
Oh! And I DID forget one of the best stories...that Lohan girl? She has apparently gotten out of rehab for alcoholism. The news quoted her as making the following statement: "It was a sobering experience." Bwahahahahahahaha. It was at that point I left to get in the shower.
This caused me to look at the clock. Ooops. Overslept by 45 minutes. Then I remembered that when I woke up I was laying on my side, my arms wrapped around a pillow I had stolen from my long suffering husband. In my hand was clutched my cell phone, which I use as my alarm clock. This means that the cell phone alarm had been going off every four minutes since 6:00 a.m. and that I had been hitting the snooze button every four minutes since 6:00 a.m - which if you do the math - means that I had hit the snooze a total of about a dozen times. The next thought that struck me was that I was amazed that my husband hadn't beaten me to a bloody pulp by the fifth or sixth time.
So I had overslept. But I wasn't going to let it bother me. I got a diet Coke from the fridge, let The Black Dog out into the back yard so he could go kill a squirrel for breakfast, sat down in the living room and turned on the TV. The first words I heard from the Way Too Pretty To Be Anything But A Talking Head I Bet She's Never Actually Written A News Story In Her Life Because It Might Have Caused A Hair To Move Out Of Place anchor was "We're still watching the mashed potatoes."
I had a vague sort of hmmmm why are we watching them? Are they doing something? I've never found mashed potatoes to be terribly mobile. Or animated in any way.
I flipped channels. There's another Way Too Pretty but this one has Outtie Equipment Down There. He said "And don't expect to get downtown very fast taking 45 South - there was an accident at Crosstimbers and both left lanes are shut down while the hay bales are cleared out of the road."
OK. Hay bales and mashed potatoes that need watching. I couldn't help it. I flipped again.
This talking head gave a heartwarming story about a man whose pet goat had jumped a fence and run away. A kindly neighbor (who obviously does not know good cabrito when he sees it) had found the goat and returned it to the goat owner. The kicker of the story - there has to be an oh too cute kicker - is that the goat's name is Bean. And apparently the goat owner also owns a pot bellied pig, whose name is Frank. This means that:
The man owns a Jumping Bean
The man owns Franks and Beans
The man owns Pork and Beans
And yeah, the Talking Heads did take advantage of each of these opportunities. And I only got to work 15 minutes late. And The Black Dog ate Purina for breakfast cause he kills squirrels like a girl.
Oh I almost forgot!! The great mashed potato watch?? Apparently the "mashed" part was... ready? A PUN! Ha! HAHA! A potato pun! Before 7am! The audacity. An 18-wheeler had crashed on I-10. The 18-wheeler had been full of boxes of russet potatoes. The mashed part? Well, figure it out yourself.
Oh! And I DID forget one of the best stories...that Lohan girl? She has apparently gotten out of rehab for alcoholism. The news quoted her as making the following statement: "It was a sobering experience." Bwahahahahahahaha. It was at that point I left to get in the shower.
Labels: headlines, personal urban drama
# posted by Carol : 6:43 PM
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LOL you are just full of witty puns today, aren't you?
I usually miss things, so you can imagine my joy when I actually got the mashed potatoes pun! *whew*
What's up with these new newscasters & why don't they have any really hot guys doing that? And if they are hot, they're gay, not that there is anything wrong with that, but as a woman, you know... it just makes it harder to fantasize.
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I usually miss things, so you can imagine my joy when I actually got the mashed potatoes pun! *whew*
What's up with these new newscasters & why don't they have any really hot guys doing that? And if they are hot, they're gay, not that there is anything wrong with that, but as a woman, you know... it just makes it harder to fantasize.
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